Friday, August 28, 2009

Top Ten Things So Horrible That Even Bacon Can't Improve Them

Posted By on Fri, Aug 28, 2009 at 11:21 AM

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Bacon. Is there anything it can't do? Well, yes, in fact. Lost in the current craze for all things bacon is the fact that there are many, many things so unrelentingly awful that even delicious, glorious bacon can't improve them.

For your convenience, Gut Check offers a countdown of the Top Ten Things So Horrible That Even Bacon Can't Improve Them.

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10. Creed

Bad enough these guys turned out so much crappy, quasi-Christian rock back in the day. But now that our attention is distracted by all the crisp, tasty bacon to be devoured, Scott Stapp and those three other guys thought they could sneak past us and reunite. Not on our watch, friends. You know what happens when you walk around "With Arms Wide Open," Scott? You drop your bacon.

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9. Provel

Like I'd put together a list like this and not include Provel. Take heart, Provel fans, it's only number nine. That means there are still eight things even more horrible. Like...

8. A Head-Sized Ball of Maggots

When I wandered the halls of Gut Check International Headquarters, soliciting ideas for this countdown, a colleague shared a story of the time when he was removing cardboard bales from his workplace's cardboard baler and found what he described as "a head-sized ball of maggots" surrounding a piece of rotten meat, which someone had thrown into the baler because that, of course, is where rotten meat goes. My colleague informed me that he didn't eat for two days afterward.

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