Friday, August 5, 2011

Mucus Is Snot the Worst: Nine Even More Disgusting Bodily Substances to Find in Your Dunkin' Donuts Coffee

Posted By on Fri, Aug 5, 2011 at 9:00 AM

It has been a banner week for strange events at Dunkin' Donuts. Gut Check already asked for your help in imagining what the Dunkin' Donut employee accused of prostituting herself while on the job might have said to customers/potential clients. In that same post, we alluded to another, more disturbing incident: A (now former) Dunkin' Donut employee is accused of tainting coffees destined for two police officers with nasal mucus.

Yes, nasal mucus is awful and deserves a spot on a top-ten list of disgusting bodily substances to find in your Dunkin' Donuts coffee. Still, we can think of nine other such substances that would be even worse.

(And, just to increase the degree of difficulty, we're not even including urine or feces!)

9. Blood Yes, many cuisines consider congealed blood a foodstuff. As far as we know, though, this isn't congealed human blood. More to the point, blood has a distinct metallic taste that just doesn't jibe with the flavor of coffee.

Top that off for you?
  • Top that off for you?

8. Semen Should semen rank higher? No. First, just wait till you see bodily substances #7 through #1. Second, semen is packed with protein. Finally, it's great for your complexion! No, really, we swear it is!

Oh, we thought you said seamen.
  • Oh, we thought you said seamen.

7. Bile The bitter dregs of a thousand college hangovers. Speaking of which, your average barista is a prime candidate to be ready to produce it at a moment's notice.

6. Vitreous Humor The gel that makes up the bulk of your eyeball. Yes, it's almost entirely water, but even dissolved into a cup of robust, piping-hot coffee, it's STILL A FRICKING EYEBALL.

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