Friday, September 23, 2011

Slippers Are Not Appropriate Fro Yo Attire

Posted By on Fri, Sep 23, 2011 at 1:30 PM

Dear Youth of America:

We didn't say anything when you started wearing pajama pants in public. As long as they weren't filthy and smelly, it's not our prerogative if you want to look like a very silly hobo while browsing the grocery store.

Heck, even Gut Check's guilty of fetching a morning latte in yoga pants, so who are we to judge?

But then you did this:

No shoes, no service. Unless it's self-serve frozen yogurt. - ROBIN WHEELER
  • Robin Wheeler
  • No shoes, no service. Unless it's self-serve frozen yogurt.

I understand you may be thinking, "My feet are covered so why are you complaining, Old Person?" Here's why: because you are not Snooki. And it's gross when she does it, too.

If you were wearing slippers to run to the drug store, we wouldn't care. Or if you want to hang out with your friends in a public place in your slippers, we don't care. We might laugh at you, but really? We don't care.

But when you bring your giant, overstuffed, sweat machine dog slippers into a public place where you serve food to yourself - say, a frozen yogurt establishment - it's problematic. While this might not be accurate, the message it sends is that you can't be bothered with putting on real shoes. And if you can't be bothered with such a simple task, can you be bothered with other simple tasks, such as washing your hands before fondling the same frozen yogurt handle that others are going to be fondling?

What kind of cooties are embedded in all that fur? Parking lots and sidewalks are dirty places. Your feet Fidos might not be able to shed the nasties as well as real shoes. Plus, big fuzzy slippers equal sweaty feet. No one wants to smell that while eating.

And really, we're concerned about your safety. While puppy slippers are cute, they're unwieldy. Self-serve fro yo places often have wet or sticky floors. No one wants you to fall and smash your face while they're trying to enjoy a cup with five flavors of yogurt topped with half a pound of miniature Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.

As for the black sequined Uggs with running shorts, there's technically nothing wrong with them from a hygiene or safety standpoint. However, we'd like to issue a warning that, in twenty years, you're going to feel like an idiot for wearing that. Trust us - we used to wear slouch socks over leggings. Don't make a similar, shameful mistake.

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