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Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Poll: Vote for the Most Boinkable Fast-Food Mascot!

Posted By on Wed, Jan 30, 2013 at 6:00 AM

If Padma Lakshmi were a mascot, there wouldn't be a competition.
  • If Padma Lakshmi were a mascot, there wouldn't be a competition.

Don't you just hate it when you catch a fast-food commercial on TV and you get all hot and bothered? And you think to yourself, "Man, I wanna bone that mascot so hard"? And then all your waking moments are consumed by thoughts of getting it on with some costumed clown and chowing down on burgers post-coitus?

Oh, that's just Gut Check? Oh, OK.

Well this is awkward.

Seriously, though, there are some majorly boinkable mascots out there. Ones that just make you want to jump their bones. Park your yacht in the harbor. Play at St. George. Play some stoop tag in the asparagus patch. You pickin' up what we're throwin' down?

Because we know that everyone thinks like Gut Check, we went ahead and compiled a list of our picks for the Ten Most Boinkable Fast-Food Mascots. We've listed them in alphabetical order, with pix and annotations, the better for you to ponder the boinkability therein. Click through the next few screens, then vote for your personal favorite in our totally scientific poll.

Big Boy resembles a young Ronald Reagan, are we right?
  • Big Boy resembles a young Ronald Reagan, are we right?

Big Boy (Big Boy Restaurants) The fact that Big Boy appears to be a pre-adolescent makes us feel like a pedophile, but he also looks strangely like a young Ronald Reagan, which is kinda hot, in a retro-celluloid sort of way. He's always got a hamburger, and that little hair curl is oh, so cute. Lest we neglect to state the obvious, his moniker is "Big Boy." Chew on that.

Anyone for the royal wee-wee?
  • Anyone for the royal wee-wee?

The King (Burger King) We're slightly concerned that his day job involves wearing a full-facial mask, but he's royalty, so he's probably rich. Besides, there are plenty of royals who really should be wearing masks. (We're looking at you, Prince Charles.) At least this dude owns it.

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