Support Local Journalism. Join Riverfront Times Press Club.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Poll: Vote for the Most Boinkable Fast-Food Mascot!

Posted By on Wed, Jan 30, 2013 at 6:00 AM

If Padma Lakshmi were a mascot, there wouldn't be a competition.
  • If Padma Lakshmi were a mascot, there wouldn't be a competition.

Don't you just hate it when you catch a fast-food commercial on TV and you get all hot and bothered? And you think to yourself, "Man, I wanna bone that mascot so hard"? And then all your waking moments are consumed by thoughts of getting it on with some costumed clown and chowing down on burgers post-coitus?

Oh, that's just Gut Check? Oh, OK.

Well this is awkward.

Seriously, though, there are some majorly boinkable mascots out there. Ones that just make you want to jump their bones. Park your yacht in the harbor. Play at St. George. Play some stoop tag in the asparagus patch. You pickin' up what we're throwin' down?

Because we know that everyone thinks like Gut Check, we went ahead and compiled a list of our picks for the Ten Most Boinkable Fast-Food Mascots. We've listed them in alphabetical order, with pix and annotations, the better for you to ponder the boinkability therein. Click through the next few screens, then vote for your personal favorite in our totally scientific poll.

Big Boy resembles a young Ronald Reagan, are we right?
  • Big Boy resembles a young Ronald Reagan, are we right?

Big Boy (Big Boy Restaurants) The fact that Big Boy appears to be a pre-adolescent makes us feel like a pedophile, but he also looks strangely like a young Ronald Reagan, which is kinda hot, in a retro-celluloid sort of way. He's always got a hamburger, and that little hair curl is oh, so cute. Lest we neglect to state the obvious, his moniker is "Big Boy." Chew on that.

Anyone for the royal wee-wee?
  • Anyone for the royal wee-wee?

The King (Burger King) We're slightly concerned that his day job involves wearing a full-facial mask, but he's royalty, so he's probably rich. Besides, there are plenty of royals who really should be wearing masks. (We're looking at you, Prince Charles.) At least this dude owns it.

Tags: ,

Support Local Journalism.
Join the Riverfront Times Press Club

Local journalism is information. Information is power. And we believe everyone deserves access to accurate independent coverage of their community and state. Our readers helped us continue this coverage in 2020, and we are so grateful for the support.

Help us keep this coverage going in 2021. Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing membership pledge, your support goes to local-based reporting from our small but mighty team.

Join the Riverfront Times Club for as little as $5 a month.

Read the Digital Print Issue

December 1, 2021

View more issues

Newsletters

Never miss a beat

Sign Up Now

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.

Best Things to Do In St. Louis

© 2021 Riverfront Times

Website powered by Foundation