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Tuesday, January 29, 2019

St. Louis Pretzel Shop's Promo Lets You Eat Your Superbowl Feelings This Year

Posted By on Tue, Jan 29, 2019 at 12:09 PM

The Worst Superbowl Imaginable™ kicks off this Sunday, and to say that St. Louis football fans are not excited about it would be to dramatically understate the case. Faced with the wholly unpalatable choice between rooting for insufferable douchebag Tom Brady and his merry band of football-deflators or for our former flame-turned-bitter-ex the Rams, many St. Louisans are choosing to just sit this one out.

But one local pretzel shop has the solution, offering a promotion that directs the city's ire squarely where it belongs: at Rams owner and billionaire mega-asshole Stan Kroenke.

The Pretzel Boys (multiple locations including 5006 Hampton Avenue, 314-279-8005) are offering a deal this week wherein they will shape your salted dough into a message all St. Louisans can agree with. For a scant $24.99, dedicated haters can order a slab of pretzels spelling out "Kroenke Sucks." Which, yes, he does.

Less embittered football fans also have the option to order a football-shaped pretzel with a side of cheese dip for only $19.99, but where's the fun in that? Show some hometown pride, pony up the extra five bucks, and you'll be eating your feelings in no time.

The pretzel special is just one of the anti-Kroenke promotions that have popped up in the St. Louis area since this year's horrible match-up was solidified. Hotshots, for example, has launched a "Slam the Rams" promo with drink specials at its nine Missouri locations that also lets you pee right on Kroenke's face.

Between the cheap pretzels and beer and of course the opportunity for, er, water sports, it would seem that St. Louis is making the best of a bad situation for this year's big game. The only thing better would be if a giant sinkhole opened in Atlanta on Sunday, swallowing the entirety of the Mercedes-Benz Stadium and all of its inhabitants.

Hey, we can dream!

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