A Tale of Two Coachella Bros

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Editor's Note: The following is a dispatch from Coachella Music Festival, courtesy of our sister paper, the LA Weekly, and former RFT staff writer Ben Westhoff.
It may be a bit early, but Coachella 2013 seems to be the Year of the Bro.

For the ladies, it's business as usual, but the bros are really bringing it, from humorous neon t-shirts to costumes to all-around chiseledness.

But there's more to being a bro than just looking good. Bros are there for each other.

Here's the story of two bros, the ones pictured to the right, called Brad and Chad. (Not their real names.)

Chad, on the right, nearly got into some shady business, and could have fucked himself up bad.

But Brad, on the left, simply wasn't having it. It went something like this....

Our story takes place at Coachella, on Friday, at the Local Natives show at the Outdoor Theatre, just before the sun was starting to set.

Chad had had a pretty decent Day One so far, and, if nothing else, was looking good in his pastel, '80s-style shorts. His bod was definitely cut, and the weather was niiice.

But this was not yet the perfect Coachella experience. Chad couldn't exactly put his finger on it, but something seemed to be missing.

Oh yeah, drugs.

For some reason, Chad hadn't got his hands on any good drugs so far. But then, suddenly, as if the Bro-Lord himself had heard Chad's request, a man came up to him offering sweet relief.

From out of nowhere appeared a European-looking dude, wearing some sweet shades. You know what they say about European dudes -- they've got the hook-up, and this European-looking dude was no different.

He pulled out a small plastic baggie filled with tons of capsules. Blue and white. They would turn his B+ day into an A+, the European-looking dude told Chad.

Chad was fucking elated, but his bros weren't so sure.

Brad, on the far left, and another of their bros, whom they call Rad (not his real name), leaned in to check the situation out. And while they sympathized with Chad's desire to take this shit to the next level, something seemed off.

Way off.

See, here's the thing. You don't just buy random pills off sketchy-looking European-looking dudes, bra. You don't know what could be in that shit.

And so, even as the dude tried to give the hard sell, Brad and Rad stepped in and talked Chad out of making a decision that could have really fucked up his Coachella.

Or, at the very least, screwed him out of 40 bucks.

It's just what bros do. They look out for each other.

The end.

See also: No, Seriously, Is Daft Punk Playing Coachella? Doing Drugs at Coachella? Here's How to Avoid Trouble With the Police

About The Author

Ben Westhoff

Ben Westhoff is the author of the books Original Gangstas, Fentanyl, Inc., and Little Brother: Love, Tragedy, and My Search For the Truth.
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