I'm a smart guy who makes a decent living working in corporate America. I am very confident when dealing with clients and employees that I supervise, but when it comes to meeting girls I wimp out. It's always been like that for me. I have orated before a crowd of 5,000 people without stuttering once, but when I try to talk to the ladies it's a problem. Whenever I find myself around a woman I'm attracted to I freeze up.
By the time I get the nerve to speak to her she's gone, or she gives me that stranger-danger look, at which point I usually decide to not even bother. What can I say to a female to make her want to date me that doesn't sound like a pickup line?
Shy Guy:
Never try to make a girl do anything. You have to get her to want to do everything. Women love personalities. So if you're the good guy you seem to be, just be yourself and if it's meant to be everything will work out. Be a man and flat-out ask her for her phone number or say something like, "Hey, you want to hang out sometime?"
If that doesn't work, tell her you're the heir to a $50 million trust, but you have to be married with a child within the next year to claim your inheritance. Money can't buy love but the right amount of it can buy a whole lot of shoes, and women love shoes.
TRYING TO FORGIVE ENEMIES Dear Willie D:
I know that resentment is a noxious habit but I find it very hard to forgive people who mistreat me. I once went ten years without speaking to my sister because we got into an argument over our kids. I'm a medical-office receptionist. My primary duties are to optimize patients' satisfaction, provider time and treatment-room utilization by scheduling appointments in person or by telephone.
Last week a patient came in acting very rude toward an assistant and was told to behave or leave. She decided to calm down and was allowed to see the doctor. But she was clearly agitated from being scolded and let me know by rolling her eyes. To get back at her the next several times she called for an appointment I either scheduled her for the least desirable first appointment time (7 a.m.) or I told her we were booked.
She deserves to be treated badly because she is not a nice person. At the same time, I know the way I'm treating her is not right. If I'm in a good mood and she calls, immediately my attitude alters and I get stressed out. How do I let go of the anger, learn to forgive and move on?
Can't Forgive:
In certain situations -- like yours -- I'm the wrong person to ask about how to let go of anger and forgive. I probably would have scheduled the rude patient for 7 a.m., then waited until she arrived to tell her we were already booked up. Depending on how I was wronged, it's hard for me to forgive. But I have learned to manage my anger to a degree where it doesn't consume and depress me; it's called emotional compartmentalization.
The experts say learning to forgive promotes a healthier lifestyle and a greater spiritual well-being, so you should probably listen to them and not me. I still have a few loose screws that need tightened.
Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back next week for more of his best answers.
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