In Defense of Schwag Weed

Jan 3, 2014 at 3:07 am

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Hartford Police Department

A bag of schwag comes with big ol' stems and lots of seeds. You've gotta pull the buds off the stems and break them up. You've gotta put the weed on a magazine and tilt that magazine over a big shoebox and drag a credit card across the weed so the seeds roll down the magazine and land in the shoebox. You've gotta save those seeds in a film container and tell yourself you're going to plant them later.

It's a big pain in the ass. But it's part of the process. You and your friends can share the work. And afterwards y'all can keep smoking on and on and on. Puffing on kind bud is more like taking a pill, and that's not just because it often comes in those little prescription bottles. You pull out a little pinch, you take a few hits, you're done. No ritual, no work.

High-grade marijuana is just too powerful. This might sound spoiled, like bitching about a great cup of coffee because it's so rich, but the potency has a direct effect on how often you can partake in the ritual without getting completely and utterly blazed. Smog out a car with kind bud, and you're all really, really dumb when you exit. Feel free to pass around a half-ounce spliff of hydro, and good luck when someone important calls. But you want to sit around with your friends and roll joint after joint of schwag and listen to records? Sounds like a chill afternoon where you won't freak out too much when the doorbell rings and you've forgotten you ordered a pizza.

Am I saying you should quit smoking kind? Nope. That shit is incredible. Just don't forget about schwag. It's the spaced-out uncle you ignore at Thanksgiving who actually has something to teach you. We should listen to that old dude every once in a while. He has all the good albums.


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