Mean Superintendent Refuses to Call Snow Day Despite Bribes, Music Videos

Hillsboro Schools superintendent Doc C. Cornman will not be moved.

Not by begging, not by bribery, not even by well-reasoned discourse delivered in rhyme and put to video. Absent a sufficient amount of snow on the ground, there will not be a snow day.

The integrity of the Jefferson County school superintendent was put to the test this week when, on Thursday morning, he opened his front door and found a bag of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups — king size — and a note with a simple message: "You know what to do."

The first round of "Please Call School Off Tomorrow" candy has arrived. Students in my neighborhood really want a Snow Day!!! They remembered my favorite! pic.twitter.com/QQGjBF1tDb

— Doc Cornman (@DocCSupt) January 12, 2018

It's Cornman's favorite candy, even! A lesser man may have caved right there.

And that wasn't all that the students in his district had to offer. Next up was a music video. A group of kids from Hillsboro High got together and wrote a vaguely Drake-esque rap song, pleading their case in rhyme that Cornman get to Twitter and call Friday off already:

Late on a wet night
clouds in the sky
All eyes are on one special guy
So Doc hurry up the routes
You can always ditch the news
The students have something to say

Hey hey, we want a snow day
Hoses running down our driveways
Hey hey, we want a snow day
We'll bring you a bag of Paydays

Hey hey, we want a snow day
Hey hey, we want a snow day
Hey hey, we want a snow day
Hey hey, we want a snow day

So just type a little quicker
We keep refreshing Twitter
The roads are getting slicker
No need to sit and bicker
It's too dangerous out there, so hey
Just give us a snow day

Hey hey, we want a snow day
Hey hey, we want a snow day
Hey hey, we want a snow day
Hey hey, we want a snow day

But please don't make us make it up in May
But please don't make us make it up in May

The kids are going crazy
Doc your thumbs are getting lazy
Just let the Twitterverse know
We're off because of the snow

So Doc, just do your job and say "more snow days"

"I feel mistreated by what you tweeted"
"Twitter is making me bitter"

The closing lines of the song — the ones in quotes above — even use Cornman's own words, courtesy of some well-timed editing of a video of the superintendent speaking. Calling him a "special guy" and offering him a "bag of Paydays"? In all, it should have been enough to melt even the steeliest of resolve.

But it was not to be. This morning, Friday dawned with nary a problem on the roads, either in St. Louis or in Hillsboro, which is about 45 minutes south. So Cornman did his duty, taking to Twitter to inform the world that school would go on as planned.

Twitterverse..... Hillsboro WILL BE in session today. It's another great day for the Hillsboro Hawks to soar to new educational heights. It's cold outside, roads are clear, but the buses and buildings will be warm - see ya there.

— Doc Cornman (@DocCSupt) January 12, 2018

It was a good effort, Hillsboro students, but candy and music videos are clearly not the way to the immovable Cornman's heart.

Next time maybe try a big bag of cash.