One Saturday afternoon during my sophomore year, my father (who nicknamed himself the Rooster, after the Alice in Chains song) wanted to go to Chesterfield Mall with me -- specifically, Hot Topic -- to check out the new Pantera shirts. This was soon after Dimebag's death, renewing the Rooster's fascination with the arguable forefathers of groove-metal (if you aren't an Exhorder fan). It was kind of amazing and embarrassing at the same time -- somewhat typical teenage outlook. To make it more odd, my friend was the store's manager at the time, and he recognized me and proceeded to talk loudly about the debauchery and destruction of a recent party.
There was no need for the cover; my dad was way too enamored by the array of different designs on Pantera/Children of Bodom/Slipknot/etc. shirts. As Kevin finished up a story involving an unfortunate altercation between a lawnmower and a recliner chair, the Rooster walked up with his chosen garment. Its name on Rockabilia.com is "Cowboys From Hell Skeleton Cowboy Riding Bull With Purple Lightning Bolts & Banner Logo." He was excited.
So that's my dad.
See also: My Dad Says the New U2 Album Sucks
Recently, Mastodon's new video, "The Motherload," has become the center of a lot of Internet attention because of one thing: butts. Call it what you like -- a blow to feminism everywhere or a genius, modernized biblical statement. It just seems like overkill. Who better than to gauge the controversy than the Rooster, one of St. Louis' oldest metal head/hippie hybrids?
"Well, yeah. It's demeaning to these women. This video is sexist," says the Rooster, with a cigarette poking through his beard and a determined fixation in his eyes. "I know that with all this shit, it's supposed to be about sex, drugs and rock & roll. But this is damn near pornographic."
The Rooster didn't hate the track itself, though. "The song is pretty good. I'm gonna add it to my Spotify playlist. I like the drummer's voice. Granted, the lyrics don't seem very deep. After looking 'em up, they all just keep talking about the weight on whoever the song is about's shoulders, hence 'The Motherload.'"
He paused to continue chain smoking and explained further. "But they seem to be gunning at a biblical theme, in this ridiculous retelling of what my best guess would be the story of Adam and Eve. There's the story of Lillith, who kicked Adam's ass and was too much woman for him. I know these girls are too much woman for me."
The Rooster let out a short cackle and continued.
"But honestly, this seems like it was made to make teenage boys drool and get the internet squawking," he said from his desk chair/pulpit, adding,"Beavis & Butt-head would've loved this video. That's who this is for. The whole thing just looks like a fancy combo of Duck Dynasty and any rap video, without making a point about either."
Continue to page two.