"My Grandma Makes Some Good Ass Cookies": An Interview With King Kong Magnetics

Oct 7, 2011 at 1:55 pm
Rick Steves.
Rick Steves.

St. Louis's most awesomely objectionable hip hop collective, King Kong Magnetics, dropped a serious mixtape earlier this week, entitled Bommarito Cash Orgy. They deal with current issues like foreclosure ("You broke ass, you white trash, good for nothing with your f***ing torn up shirt, your overall stinkin' shit,"), buying American, and even devoted a track to the late Osama bin Laden ("We killed that little bitch in his homo-ass cave"), and it's fourteen tracks of wildly offensive satire that will have you laughing hard enough to shoot soy milk from your nostrils. Assuming you're drinking soy milk, otherwise you need a doctor.

Jake Jones Rick Steves took some time out of his afternoon of eating black bean dip to talk about Danny Tanner's pussy, what he'd do with a large hadron collider, and the 10 other mixtapes they'll be dropping before the year is out.

So, Bommarito Cash Orgy mixtape. It's amazing.

That really ain't nothing, we got some more important ones coming out pretty soon.

What do you mean by more important?

Like a million times, it's just gonna be more important to the world. That's the beginning, that's just a scratch on the surface. We have ten more coming out this year. Literally ten more on the way before 2012.

"Crilchin' Down North 67" by King Kong Magnetics

Ten more mixtapes?!

Yes, literally ten more on the way before 2012. That year we're going to hopefully put out 300.

That's a fuckload of mixtapes.

Yeah, but we gotta do it.

Can you give us a taste of what's next?

You're gonna see a little more of our darker side coming out, we got the Candy Painted mixtape, that's going to be a very serious mixtape. We got the Large Hadron Collider Stacks, that's going to be our super conscious hip hop, what else we got comin' out. Let me see, I got a list. We have the Christmas mixtape, we don't have a name for that yet. We got the tribute to goin' stupid called No Apologies, No Disrespect coming very soon. We got lots of videos on the way, Candy Painted St. Louis -- this mixtape is just the beginning. Not even the beginning. We're blowing up the internet. We got everybody on the internet. We know some people, I know a few people on the internet. We got some friends.

This Christmas mixtape, is that going to be a multi-faith endeavor or are you just focusing on the Christmas side?

It'll encompass a lot of things, world traditions and how they celebrate the holidays, we just want to reflect on culture and cultures other than just St. Louis. Of course, it will be representative of St. Louis Christmas, because, you know, we like to party hard around here. My grandma makes some good ass cookies.

Speaking of cookies, will there be cookies at the Halloween show?

Probably not, I don't know if we'll do cookies this year. Last year we had somebody with an allergy and they had to leave the show early and we don't want that to happen anymore. We got some tricks lined up, I don't want to get into everything because I like every show to be a huge surprise and a big ordeal, kind of like a theatrical type of thing. When you see our show, you're gonna think, "There's no way they just spent five minutes working on this, they probably spent many years." That's why we don't play a lot of shows, cuz, you know, each one takes about a year or four.

What's the likelihood of seeing Paul thee Master do the elephant on stage? A 40 percent chance? 50 percent?

I don't know, it's pretty much up to him, a lot of times he won't want to do songs. He's very specific, I like to let him make those decisions, because Paul is a total trooper, he just goes out there and hypes the shit out of everything. I like to let him go off and do whatever he wants. There is a new surprise, I just wanna give a hint, Paul's got a new group, I don't wanna say anything, but be on the lookout for that. They're going to be releasing their new single very soon. Paul thee Master, goin' in. Gonna be putting KKM on the map. There's hints of working with a relative of a super star, but I really can't give anymore hints. You're just going to have to find out.

Oh man! Are you at all worried about the possible backlash, or being sued by Danny Tanner for saying such things about his pussy?

I'm not too worried about it, because I think Danny Tanner would actually be on the remix. I think he'd enjoy the tune so much he'd definitely be on that. Anything is possible. I'm not going to hate on Danny Tanner, he's been a part of my life since I was a little kid. I think if he were to come at us, I would deal with it like a man and respect his judgment because he's got me through a lot of hard times.

If you could have sex with one of his kids, who would it be?

With one of Danny Tanner's kids? I don't know his kids.

I mean from the show.

Oh, Bob Saget, I don't know if he actually has kids, but from the show, I might go DJ.

I'm going to have to ask you to defend that.

I would go DJ because I feel like she gets a lot of heat, a lot of people are rude about her, I think she's got something special that everybody is missing out on. I would not fuck around with Kimmy Gibbler, she can screw off, I ain't really down with that. I do like Rebecca Donaldson the most, I must say. I would marry Rebecca Donaldson, I don't know what she's up to these days.

But if we see her we should give her your number?

It wouldn't hurt to talk to her. See what life is like, you know.

If you had access to a large hadron collider, what would you do with it? Smash some particle bitches up?

I personally wouldn't know what to do with it because I ain't like a physicist, but I'd probably get a couple good ones and have them do some shit, name some particles after me.

I couldn't help but notice that there's a lot of Cray language, or Craydonaise on this mixtape. I understand that you're acquainted with the mythical creature we call Crim Dolla Cray.

Crim Dolla Haychay!

Can you say something in Cray for us?

I crilch all day for a yatezers, no comprehendegg for sheggs.

Himmel tay, himmel tay. Do you have a favorite track on the mixtape?

I don't have a favorite, I would never want to listen to them individually. I would advise anyone to download this and listen to it like it's this really important piece, like a movement. I gotta hear every track together. But I do like the Goatee song.

"Late Night Snack" drops some serious knowledge on food in St. Louis. What's your favorite donut from John Donut?

Aw shit. I gotta go apple fritter.

Oh my god it's the best! Have you microwaved it?

One of my roommates does that. I mean my butler does that. It's pretty good.

Will you be sending a copy of this mixtape to the Bommarito family?

I had not thought of that, I might need to look them up on Facebook and send them a link to download it. I don't think we're going to have any physical copies just yet. You wait though, you're going to see everything unfold before your eyes. If my name's not Rick Steves. That's my rap name. I mean my real name.