New Weekly Feature: Ask Andrew W.K.

Jan 7, 2014 at 10:06 am
New Weekly Feature: Ask Andrew W.K.
Jesse Dittmar

About a month or two ago, we asked Andrew W.K. — that great unwashed Rock God, party incarnate, a walking/talking ode to the Power of Positive Mental Attitude — if he would be at all interested in writing an advice column for us. Of course he was. And what I mean by that is, "Of course he was interested. Because he's interested in everything. He's interested in life. Every single, solitary bit of it."

He'll have no problem navigating outside his comfort zone. He lives there, sleeps easy. He is as accepting and eager for new experiences as he is loath to wear a new outfit.

He can help you do the same. (The experiences part -- good God, buy some new clothes.) In these pages and on our music blog each week, Andrew W.K. will take your life questions, and set you safely down the right path to a solution, a purpose or — no surprise here — a party.

He is the Pope. He is Ann Landers. He is Dear Abby. He is the Pope, Ann Landers, and Dear Abby at a raging kegger, helping talk the highest guy in the room off the chewed-up ledge of life. Got a problem, question, or concern you want to put past him? Email him at [email protected].

Let him help you.

Now, on to this week's advice.

By Andrew W.K.

Dear Andrew,

Like many, when we turn our calendars over to 2014 I will be doing my best to drop the extra pounds I packed on over the holidays. It's always a struggle, and I wonder if you have any mental tricks you use to help stay in shape.


Lean and Mean in 2014

Dear Lean and Mean,

For me, the best way to stay in shape is by partying extremely hard. Just move around and dance through the day. I even think that an active inner life and active mind can make your outer body follow suit. A huge part of fitness is realizing that it comes from feeling good, wholeheartedly and deep inside. It's not just about how you look or how much you weigh. Weight is extremely overrated, anyway. There are plenty of heavier people who are awesome, and it's just part of who they are — just like an eye color or a skin color. For example, would anyone really prefer a skinny Santa Claus? It's how he's meant to be. And there are plenty of skinny people who aren't very much fun to be around, no matter how good they might look by some standards. Feeling awesome is our goal, and that should be the focus of our party mindset. With that being said, I highly recommend head-banging, air-drumming, and speed-jigging for extremely effective forms of fat burning. But remember to love fat, too. It's one of the things that makes life worth living. PARTY LARD!