Six Ways James Blunt Could Make Up For That Horrid Travesty "You're Beautiful"

3. Only Sing The Weird Al Version From Now On

Look, people are going to ask you to sing this song again. I know, I know -- but hey, there's a lot of total assholes out there. Now, it's probably just going to be a bunch of weird hill people up in the really racist and scary part of Idaho and Montana, but these horrid beings will come to you and they will want you to sing "Beautiful" to them. We both know that we can't really let that happen, but you're going to have to appease these shitbags somehow. Thankfully, Weird Al did us all a tremendous favor and made his own version of this song, leaving you with the insipid melody to still work with. So take advantage of that and sing the song without actually singing the song.

2. Spend Time In the Oubliette From Labyrinth

While we're all working through the healing process, you're going to have to go away for a while. If you'll recall from the documentary film Labyrinth, in which a young woman tries to save her little brother from a floppy-donged lionfish, there was a pit that Sarah found herself in. Called an "oubliette," it was a dungeon where people were kept and were meant to be forgotten. For the sake of society, you're going to have to spend a little time there while the world figures out what atrocity to force upon us next. You won't have to stay there forever as eventually, we're going to have to make room for the members of that band Magic! and all of their fucking instruments that they use to conjure up their demonic brand of reggae.

1. You Have To Listen To It

We're all sorry this had to happen, but you really gave us no choice. Dude, just listen to it. C'mon, man. After this has been done, we can open up a Stargate or necroportal or whatever and you can leave our dimension forever. One last time, the whole way through. Goodnight, sweet prince.

Follow Drew Ailes on Twitter @CountBakula.

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