7:31 p.m. She just grabbed a dude from the audience (plant?) and shoved him back. HOLY SHIT she just busted into Alanis' "You Oughta Know."
7:33 p.m. GO ON GIRL. She's writhing onstage in a corset-ish dress and metaphorically breaking the demure-female glass ceiling with her stilettos.
7:39 p.m. Hey, it's Seal. Introducing Leonard Cohen's Lifetime Achivement Award. And then...seguing right into Pink. What?
7:41 p.m. Hey, Pink, I think your dress is on backwards. Or drape. Or nod to the Virgin Mary. Or whatever looks you're rocking.
7:42 p.m. Oh wait, you're just wearing a body suit with ribbons and doing some Cirque du Soleil moves. I stand corrected. Is this a metaphor for being born?
7:45 p.m. This is some bizarre metaphor for the miracle of life, I think. I know it's supposed to be deep, but it came off as very college thesis.
7:46 p.m. Seriously, the lifetime achievement awards get, like, 20 seconds of recognition? That's lame.
7:47 p.m. Best new artist nominee: Silversun Pickups. Who formed in 2003. Winner, though, is Zac Brown Band. An entire nation collectively goes: Who?
7:52 p.m. My mom's take so far, via text message: "No halo beyonce? Pink can always join circus if she loses."
7:54 p.m. Miley Cyrus -- wearing a wig? a weave? -- introduces the Black Eyed Peas.
7:55 p.m. This is more like: "Imma Be" a member of the Power Rangers.
7:57 p.m. Those robots look just like the cardboard box-with-foil ones I made in elementary school. Do we really need to have that Auto-tune? Live?
7:58 p.m. Okay, now we're ripping off New Order's "True Faith."
8:01 p.m. Props to Twitter user punklawyer for the "bad Comicon outfit" observation for Black Eyed Peas. The Grammys so far is like one long, bad cosplaying session!
8:05 p.m. Aw, Jonas Brothers. Introducing Lady Antebellum. Who appears to be lost in the NES 8-bit game Castlevania.
8:07 p.m. This Lady Antebellum song is really good. And this performance is really understated. I can't believe it. No robots or auto-tune. Just a good song. This is so...novel.