8:17 p.m. Aw, Ringo Starr: "Thank you, Grammy people, for the warm welcome. And to Norah, for being shorter than me!" Introducing Bobby Darin as lifetime achievement. And now it's Record of the Year.
8:19 p.m. KIngs of Leoo's "Use Somebody" wins record of the year. Their response: "Not gonna lie, we're a little drunk, but we're happy drunk." At least they're honest! My mom's text response: "Huh? Who is this band?"
8:22 p.m. Jamie Foxx is the Paul Revere of auto-tune.
8:25 p.m. Good lord, that was a hot mess. Slash, T-Pain, Jamie Foxx. I don't know what was going on.
8:27 p.m. My mom, via text again: "Isn't it past Justin Bieber's bedtime?"
8:33 p.m. At first I thought they called Katy Perry a rock & roll legend, and then I got scared. Alice Cooper looks like he'd rather be golfing.
8:33 p.m. Green Day wins the award for Best Rock Album. They look mad stoked to be meeting Alice Cooper.
8:37 p.m. Zac Brown Band does "America the Beautiful," then introduces Leon Russell. I have nothing to say, because it's...a performance. My dad agrees with the Green Day win.
8:39 p.m. Zac Brown Band reminds me of the Charlie Daniels Band.
8:45 p.m. Ryan Seacrest introduces Taylor Swift. Taylor's totally rocking the flowing-shirt, hippie-chick-with-guitar look.
8:50 p.m. Stevie's like Taylor Swift's goth stepmother. I just wish their harmonies were a bit more....together. Totally off-key.
8:53 p.m. I would watch a movie featuring Lionel Richie as James Bond.
8:54 p.m. 3-D tribute to Michael Jackson, sans glasses. Carrie Underwood, Celine Dion, Usher, Jennifer Hudson.
8:56 p.m. I don't have 3-D glasses. But so far, this seems like the Dune of 3-D presentations.
8:57 p.m. Smokey Robinson, classing up the joint.
8:58 p.m. I hope somebody got a photo of Beyonce rocking out wearing her 3-D glasses. That needs to be her next album cover.
9:00 p.m. Wow, that MJ tribute was actually really classy and understated. Way to go, Grammys.
9:02 p.m. Something in my eye with MJ's kids spoke. Good lord. Those precious kids.
