8. Trans-Siberian Orchestra, "Christmas Eve/Sarajevo 12/24"
No, this song does not rock Christmas. This song sucks. This is the highlight of the annual "TSO" Christmas tour that sweeps across the country in a blizzard of teased hair, blazing guitars, laser effects and more synths than the ears can handle. The Orchestra combines their three Christmas concept albums for one brain-shattering Christmas miracle that features this song not once, but twice!
"Christmas Eve/Sarajevo 12/24" is by far the most recognizable of TSO's hits. Founder Paul O'Neill (no, not the former Treasury Secretary or the former Yankees right fielder) got together with his three partners and said,"I've got an idea. We're gonna combine 'God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen' with 'The Carol of the Bells' add some screeching guitars and some mind-bending synths, and we're going to blows people's assholes right off." I'd like to keep mine intact for Christmas, thank you.
7. Neil Diamond, "Cherry Cherry Christmas"
This spot was originally reserved for Neil's classic holiday schmaltzfest "You Make it Feel Like Christmas," until this song began polluting the airwaves just this season. Some might think it is odd that a Jewish entertainer would have a Christmas album at all, but the new CD Cherry Cherry Christmas, of which this song is nearly the title track, is Diamond's third. (By the way, the average number of Christmas albums by Jewish artists with Christmas albums is somewhere around three: Barbra Streisand has two, Barry Manilow has three, and Kenny G has five.)
Most of the songs on this album are recycled Christmas songs huskified with Diamond's groin-strained crooning, including the aforementioned attempt at holiday romance, but "Cherry Cheery Christmas" is much less a Christmas song than a self-indulgent dedication to Neil Diamond stuffed like a stocking bursting at the seams with as many references to his own music as could be made in just a couple minutes. With lines like, "Let's raise a Christmas toast of red, red wine, We'll even sing Sweet Caroline..." Neil is begging for people to cheer at the mention of his own songs.
