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Monday, June 20, 2011

Tone Loc Arrested, Making Ironic "Funky Cold Medina" Appreciation More Difficult

Posted By on Mon, Jun 20, 2011 at 10:36 AM


Tone Loc has been arrested for felony domestic assault, apparently, and that news means that a pall will now be cast over your next ironic playthrough of "Wild Thing" or "Funky Cold Medina," let alone his mid-90s performance at EPCOT as "Fud Wrapper." Novelty rappers have a surprisingly long lifespan, but there is at least one rule to maintaining your irrelevance-relevance indefinitely: Do not commit felony domestic assault.

In the interest of helping you avoid awkward party encounters with people who have Google News alerts for Young MC, I'd like to offer some status updates on other novelty rappers in your "funny party jambz" iTunes playlist.

Baby Got Back: Sir Mix-a-Lot has led a charmed one-hit-wonder life, mostly because he seems to be completely satisfied with that career path. When somebody out there needs a song about liking big things, or even just a new "Baby Got Back" parody, he steps boldly into the breach every time.

Play his song and giggle about it. It's what Sir Mix-a-Lot would want, at least if you're five-three.

Informer: Few songs have created a greater divergence between people who think they can sing along and people who actually can than "Informer," arguably the most popular Canadian rap/reggae hybrid about snitching in the history of the United States of America.

Good news: You can still listen to it! Snow was apparently big in Japan after his one western-hemisphere hit and currently operates his own NGO. Also: If you were thinking, for whatever reason, about breaking the record for most consecutive listens to "Informer," don't do it.

Regulate: After Nate Dogg's death in March it was not quite as fun as it used to be to Mount Up and sing along to one of the few rap hits that's primarily about getting jumped by somebody and not being able to handle it yourself, but Warren G has managed to keep things above-board on his own in the meantime.

Unless you count this documentary evidence of him stealing several scary-looking porn stars from a man suffering from erectile dysfunction.

Rapper's Delight: If you learned the Sugarhill Gang classic sometime in the late '80s and have been rapping it ever since at karaoke, fear not: You can friend Wonder Mike and Master Gee on Facebook, and probably book them at the same time. Big Bank Hank, the only rapper on this list to publicly suggest that Superman both has a small penis and likes to use it on guys, must have his own Facebook page.

Bonus good news: Not only have none of the Sugarhill Gang been accused of assaulting Tone Loc's girlfriend, the actress who performs part of "Rapper's Delight" in The Wedding Singer is still alive at 92.

Do The Bartman: Bart Simpson was the youngest rapper ever to top the charts when he reached No. 1 across Europe in 1990. But that success came to an abrupt and tragic end in 1996, when he was strangled by his father, Homer, during a domestic dispute.

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