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Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Why John Mayer's 'Daughters' is the Worst Song Ever

Posted By on Tue, Sep 4, 2012 at 5:08 AM

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You didn't think we'd make you listen to it, did you?

There is no shortage of terrible songs out there, as a certain friend's (you know who you are) iPod will attest. Some are bad because they are patently ridiculous, ("Kitty" by the Presidents of the United States of America), some are bad because they are impossibly annoying ("Don't Worry, Be Happy" by Bobby McFerren), some are bad because they repeatedly ask us rhetorical questions ("Who Let the Dogs Out?" by the Baja Men) and some are bad because they are country songs (all country songs). What makes "Daughters" the worst song of all-time is its blatant, over-the-top disingenuousness.

It is a song sung by a man with no daughters who makes a habit of breaking the hearts of other peoples' daughters. The lyrics are repetitive and inane ("she's just like maze where all of her walls are continually changed"), but in the hands of a more venerable crooner like Harry Connick Jr. or Tony Bennett, the song potentially could be salvaged. In fact, "Daughters" won the 2005 Grammy for Best Song, but this awards the writing, not the production in its entirety. As it exists, it is impossible to separate the message from the messenger. It is the equivalent of a Snoop Lion (is that really what we're supposed to call him now?) "Just Say No to Drugs" public service announcement: absurd, hollow and hypocritical.

Near the end of the song, Mayer takes it upon himself to say that his message is "on behalf of every man, looking out for every girl". Thanks anyway, John, but we'll take it from here.

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