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Tuesday, October 2, 2012

An Open Fan Letter to Mitt Romney and Todd Akin

Posted By on Tue, Oct 2, 2012 at 5:24 AM


Editor: Tef Poe is an artist from St. Louis City. Through powerful imagery and complicated honesty, he has earned a reputation as one of the best rappers telling the story of St. Louis, which is about much more than one place. Poe has been featured in music publications such as XXL and Urb Magazine. His next project War Machine 2 was released this Tuesday, June 5th and will be followed up by a full-length with DJ Burn One entitled Cheer For The Villain. Follow him on twitter @tefpoe. Get War Machine 2 here.

Every week in I'm Just A Rapper Tef discusses modern life, hip-hop, and the deep connection between them.

Dear Todd Akin and Mitt Romney,

I'll start this letter off by paying homage to your beautiful and admirable wife Mr.Romney. Every time I say the word "America" her beautiful southern dixie styled smile comes to mind. America...America...America...Yes Ann Romney!! I really admired the way your wife gracefully stared into the camera at the RNC and said the word "America" every 60 seconds.

I mean, you're Republicans, so we all know we don't give a damn about facts or fact checking. Those tools are useless things used by people with common sense to decide whether or not they should vote for a person. We all know real elections are won solely based upon how many times you can say the word "America" in one speech. So Ann was really laying the proverbial smack down on those left wing bastards even though some people claimed she looked like a live action Saturday Night Live skit.

I know both of you are knee-deep in your campaigns at the moment, but I feel like there's a slim chance you'll take some time out of your schedules to hear me out. I know, I know, I'm a part of the 47% of non-American, American voters that you simply don't give a damn about. I know I am a lazy piece of cow dung. I feel that I am entitled to food and health care and I personally don't feel like I should be held responsible for my own actions.

Today I actually walked outside and started stabbing little children in the arms with aids needles and blamed it on the government. I actually do this a few times a week while I'm jogging through Forest Park in St. Louis. Next week, I think I'll switch it up a bit and pass out loaded handguns at a daycare.

Everyone wants to scream and yell about gun control, so we're going to let our babies blow each others brains out and blame it on the government. You're my type of guy, Mitt, because you really do understand us. All black babies are on crack anyways so I'm doing them a favor. As Republicans we typically hate crack babies, but we're Pro Life because we'd rather see them live a life of pain than die as a unborn fetus.

It's all about taking responsibility for yourself and these crack babies will be born into the world and mostly need government assistance. When they receive the assistance we'll complain about them being on crack and being on government assistance at the same damn time. The easiest solution to this problem would probably be to give the mother free will over her own body and the ability to make her own decisions, but that limits our very own ability to play God and systematically create more people for the ghettos of American housing. Pull yourself up by the bootstraps and get yourself off crack you little machine gun toting crack smoking infant toddler.

I am on welfare, food stamps, section 8 and every other government assistance program possible. I have never worked a job in my life and I'm going to die this way. Joe Bidden said you're trying to put us back in chains.

Well I welcome these chains, Mitt, because just maybe this will make me do something constructive with my life. What greater joy has any minority known than working for a rich guy with offshore accounts?

Speaking of those off shore accounts I think it's marvelous that our next president will have such an in depth understanding of foreign policy. I dream of one day working night and day to make you even more millions than you have already made Mitt. Last night I actually cashed my welfare check and bought a month's supply of forty-ounce brewski's from the neighborhood liquor store. I also took a trip to the grocery store and met my neighborhood crack dealer in the parking lot. Instead of spending my food stamps on "food" I decided to buy a months supply of crack rock cocaine. I think you're a genius Mitt, some kind of way you predicted I would do this.

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