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Tuesday, October 16, 2012

The Six Best Non-Metal Songs About Heavy Metal

Posted By Ryan Wasoba on Tue, Oct 16, 2012 at 9:24 AM

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4. Atom & His Package - "Hats Off To Halford"

Atom & His Package was a solo artist who performed wacky songs with pre-programmed beats in the late 1990s. He was the early predecessor to Superfun Yeah Yeah Rocketship or Juiceboxxx, maybe even Dan Deacon. He often took on issues within the punk subculture, like on his pseudo-hit "Punk Rock Academy" and "Hats Off To Halford." Poking fun at homophobia in the metal scene, "Hats Off To Halford" praises Judas Priest's Rob Halford for coming out of the closet, and dreams of a day when metalheads sing the chorus of "I want to be / I want to be a homosexual." Atom goes for some low blows that discredit him a bit, calling metal dudes "evolutionarily one step behind," but he makes up for it with the following gems: "Statistics say chances of being gay are one in ten / That means there's a forty percent chance that one of the guys in Pantera likes men;" and "I'd love for everyone in metal to be homosexual / Only to make the Nazi pricks in Slayer a little uncomfortable." I take issue with his black and white viewpoint, but "Hats Off To Halford" has a point and is hilarious.

3. Wilco - "Heavy Metal Drummer" The guy who anonymously posts "Fuck off, Wasoba" on many of these Nitpick Six articles may point out that I previously ranked "Heavy Metal Drummer" the sixth worst song on great albums. It's not this track's fault for being surrounded by so many other flawless songs on Yankee Hotel Foxtrot; this is a fantastic song that should touch the heart of any St. Louisan who was around for the days of Mississippi Nights. Even those unfamiliar with local history can feel the nostalgia in "I sincerely miss the heavy metal bands / We used to go see on the Landing in the summer." Further references to double kick drums and Kiss covers paint a carefree past, lamenting the days before the weight of adulthood responsibility. As Jeff Tweedy repeats in the hook, "I miss the innocence I've known." Me too, Jeff. Me too.

2. Of Montreal - "A Sentence Of Sorts In Kongsvinger" Thanks to its confusing title, even dedicated Of Montreal fans may need to click play above to remember exactly which song "A Sentence Of Sorts In Kongsvinger" is, so here's the Cliff notes: It's the song on Hissing Fauna, Are You The Destroyer? about having a nervous breakdown while living in Norway, feeling the darkness of the black metal bands, but being too happy to be comfortable running around burning churches. Of all non-metal songs about metal, this one involves the most folklore, referencing the infamous activities of Norwegian black metal bands Burzum and Mayhem. But that is not necessary information for the enjoyment of "Kongsvinger," just as knowing who George Bataille or The Story Of The Eye is not essential to understanding Of Montreal's "The Past Is A Grotesque Animal." "Kongsvinger" is positive, it's danceable, it's gay in that Abba kind of way, and it emphasizes each of these aspects by contrasting with, but not putting down, black metal.

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