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Tuesday, March 12, 2013

David Bowie is Real-Life Space Alien. No, Seriously.

Posted By on Tue, Mar 12, 2013 at 7:20 AM

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David Bowie is an Alien. No, really. We Mean it.

I've had this idea marinating for a long time. Like, years. I've floated it to various sources and it's been met with reactions that vary from amused to annoyed, but I'm dead serious: I really think David Bowie is an alien. An extraterrestrial. A being from another planet.

I'm kind of into conspiracy theories. To some degree, many people will entertain one theory or another. I think we can all agree that there was a cover-up involving JFK assassination and that Freemasons run the world. (And, c'mon, Paul is dead, right?) But I'm also pretty interested in lesser known conspiracies. Just a few weeks ago, I got really into researching the "Bill Hicks is now Alex Jones" idea. And don't even get me started on green fireballs and Project Twinkle.

But this Bowie thing is a different kind of conspiracy theory. And by that I mean that it seems to be a theory supported only by two people in the world: me, and his former wife, Angela Bowie. I'm not sure why this is, because it seems dead obvious to me, but I'm willing to share my findings in the name of scientific research.

I think this is a case of hiding in plain sight. Since the very beginning of his career, Bowie has presented himself as a space age being from another universe, a star from the stars. There is scarcely a Bowie song or piece of art that does not reference space or aliens: Space Oddity, Starman, The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars, The Man Who Fell to Earth, Moonage Daydream, Hallo Spaceboy, Earthling, Life on Mars, Loving the Alien... the list could go on and on. (And if you can show me that "Oh, You Pretty Things!" is about any subject other than the impending extraterrestrial colonization of Earth, then I'm all ears.)

His newest album, The Next Day, is released today and it continues along this theme of space. When the second single off of the album, "The Stars (Are Out Tonight)" was released, I threw my hands up in exasperation. Dude! I get you! I hear you loud and clear, Bowie. You ain't from 'round these parts.

This kind of overkill involving otherworldly oversaturation is suspicious to me. It's like turning Area 51 into a tourist destination for UFO enthusiasts. If you take something like this and make it so blatant and so cheesy that only a nut job could possibly believe that it's true, then it is automatically unjustifiably discredited.

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