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Thursday, May 9, 2013

The Ten Worst Best Of Lists In Music

Posted By on Thu, May 9, 2013 at 7:03 AM

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Lists will inevitably be remembered as the highest point of pop-culture Internet journalism. Why? BECAUSE WE LOVE THEM.

Sometimes, however, the sure-fire can't-miss format of the list fails us from a journalistic standpoint. Here are ten of the worst music-related lists that I could find before going to my real, non-journalism job: Working at a warehouse, throwing around props for haunted houses and getting fake blood all over the clothing I wear that I found on the street.

See Also: This List of RFT Music Lists That are Better Than the Lists in This Post - The 10 Greatest Alt-Country Bands Ever - Sixteen Songs Forever Ruined By Their Commercial Parodies - Nine Unintentionally Funny Lyrics in Well-Known Songs - Ten Bands You Never Would Have Thought Used to Be Good - The Ten Biggest Concert Buzzkills: An Illustrated Guide

10. The Ten Best Hair Feathers of Steven Tyler -

Steven Tyler looks like a mummy made out of glue and wrapped with glittery scarves. Steven's hair isn't even biodegradable, so why make a list about it? Oh yeah, because LISTS.

9. The Ten Best Smash Mouth Songs of All Time -

I don't really understand this site, but it seems like it's the brainchild of a few anime nerds. There's one guy on here who writes some over-the-top and heavily sarcastic lists (putting Creed on a "hardest metal" list, stuff like that). But I don't think this one is the joke I was hoping it was.

"Combining elements of hip-hop, rock and pop, the band struck gold with the track and made themselves household names across the world. 'Only shooting stars break the mold,' and Smash Mouth did just that with this classic tune."


8. Ten Muso Tricks Everyone Uses -

NME took a few rare paragraphs to not write about the Gallagher brothers or a limited-edition coloring book put out by Thom Yorke's nephew and produced this list. I don't know what it means, but I think it's a list of...production techniques for punk bands? But I guess he talks about the Sex Pistols and the Clash, so he must know his shit.

7. Eight Steps to Hooking Up With a Girl at a Concert -

I have to be honest, when I saw this list I thought I had struck gold. Then it just turned out to be step-by-step sequences on how to isolate your target, create indicators of interest and other sleazy shithead philosophies. There's nothing on this list about forcibly molesting someone you just met in a bathroom (nothing explicitly stated, anyway), but it still sucks that it exists.

See Also: Yet Another List of Our Lists, Within This List Post of Lists - The Top Ten Douchiest Guitar Players of All Time - The Top Ten Douchiest Drummers of All Time - The 15 Most Ridiculous Band Promo Photos - The Top Ten Ways to Piss Off Your Bartender at a Music Venue - The Top 15 Things That Annoy the Crap Out of Your Local Sound Guy

Click through to page two for more of our best of list of the worst best of lists. Wait, is that right?

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