Join Riverfront Times Press Club. Because No News is Bad News.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Happy Fourth of July from RFT Music!

Posted By on Wed, Jul 3, 2013 at 12:58 PM

Abe_Lincoln_Riding_Grizzly.jpg

Tomorrow is July 4, Independence Day, a celebration of the foundation of this fine nation. Fireworks will be procured, limbs / fingers will be blown off and subsequently barbecued, beers will be consumed and above-ground pools will be urinated in. It is the American Way.

In order to celebrate in true style, as the founding fathers intended it, I intend to secede from the neighborhood in which I live and declare my independence by pouring the pitcher of iced tea that I have in my fridge down the sewer. I will also be melting everything metal in my house down into tiny little balls. I don't own a gun, but my slingshot will be at the ready as soon as I see the whites of my neighbors' eyes.

I shaved my dog today and fashioned her fur into a wig that I then doused in baby powder. I tightened the snare drum from the drum set in my basement to the breaking point, and as soon as I leave work I'm going to convince the flute busker on Delmar to join me in a Fife & Drum march of battle down the streets. I suspect he'll be into it -- I got a fiver in my pocket.

What I'm saying here is, we will be taking the day off tomorrow, to fight for independence from my neighborhood's tyrannical lawn-care regulations. Fear not though, RFT Music will return with more St. Louis music news and entertainment on Friday.

Have a happy Fourth, and may the good Lord steady your hand in battle against your oppressors. "If this be treason, make the most of it!"

Follow RFT Music on Twitter or Facebook. Follow RFT Music editor Daniel Hill on Twitter too, if you are into that sort of thing.

Tags: ,

Riverfront Times works for you, and your support is essential.

Our small but mighty local team works tirelessly to bring you high-quality, uncensored news and cultural coverage of St. Louis and beyond.

Unlike many newspapers, ours is free – and we'd like to keep it that way, because we believe, now more than ever, everyone deserves access to accurate, independent coverage of their community.

Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing pledge, your support helps keep St. Louis' true free press free.

Read the Digital Print Issue

October 21, 2020

View more issues

Newsletters

Never miss a beat

Sign Up Now

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.

Best Things to Do In St. Louis

© 2020 Riverfront Times

Website powered by Foundation