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Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Jared Leto Is the Center of the Universe

Posted By on Tue, Nov 12, 2013 at 8:05 AM

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Leto adds yet another feather to his cap by taking on the role of documentarian. He's assembled a diverse lineup of Angelenos to comment on the city, including Ashley Olsen, Olivia Wilde, James "Of Course" Franco and some celebrity impersonators and poignant homeless youth. The major highlight is famous Los Angeles native (???) Kanye West, who is given a treasured opportunity to wax Kanyeic on various matters both on-topic and off-.

Leto had his work cut out for him. Los Angeles can be a tough city to love -- a stupid, terrible hellhole probably filled with people like Jared Leto -- but he paints an affectionate portrait by letting a bunch of deeply troubled people say a lot of miserable things about what a soul-crushing, piece-of-shit town it is. But also, there are dreams and magic.

Perhaps because it's such a heartfelt project, Leto gave himself the director's credit for this one, though the title card still calls it a Bartholomew Cubbins film. But if we look a little deeper, we can definitely see Jenny's chocolatey fingerprints all over it: She hit upon a bit of dialogue she really liked for Jared, and you can spot it in just about every article about Leto. In the video -- during an interview segment with himself, I guess -- he says:

"My mother crawled out of the muddy banks of the Mississippi with a fistful of food stamps in one hand and two kids in the other on a mission to make a better life for herself and for her kids."

In 2010, he said this to Details magazine:

"We clawed our way out of the muddy banks of the Mississippi with food stamps in one hand and whatever you could hold in the other."

And in 2011, he said this to MTV:

"You know, we joke we kind of climbed out of the muddy banks of the Mississippi River with food stamps in one hand and our instruments in the other -- our mother helped carve a new life for us."

In a recent interview with Fresh Air's Terry Gross, Leto said:

"I've said this before, as kind of a joke, but there's a lot of truth to it, my mother climbed out of the muddy banks of the Mississippi with her kids in one hand and food stamps in the other [...] in an attempt to make a better life for herself."

Looks like Jenny's still workshopping the line a little, changing up who was doing the crawling and what exactly was in each hand, but at this point I'd say she's nearly got it.

I hope you'll agree that there's joy to be found in this ridiculous Letocentric universe of ours. Yeah, maybe we'll cease to exist as soon as Jenny loses interest in her teen crush, but look on the bright side: she'll inevitably get really bored at some point, and Jared Leto will start having sex with all the dudes from Final Fantasy VII.

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