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Thursday, January 2, 2014

36 New Year's Resolutions for an Awful Music Journalist

Posted By on Thu, Jan 2, 2014 at 5:40 AM

Page 2 of 3

13. Take better care of my body now so that I can sell it to Vince Neil for more drugs later 14. Blow the lid off the Internet with a list of "Rappers Who Look Like Cats"

Topping the list, obviously.

15. Get extremely overweight and then accidentally kill Chris Cornell during sex 16. Convince my father that it is pronounced "Bong Iver" 17. Turn Mumford and Sons into a hardware store 18. Stop shopping at co-ops if it means I don't have to watch a woman sing Blues Traveler to a baby 19. Rationalize my deteriorating good looks by remembering that the guy from Coldplay is going bald, too. 20. To never forget that the guy from Avenged Sevenfold is no longer going bald because he is rich enough 21. Actually listen to the Arctic Monkeys so I can find a reason to hate them aside from their name

...as well as their hair, clothes and faces. - PRESS PHOTO
  • Press Photo
  • ...as well as their hair, clothes and faces.

22. Find a strip club where all the dancers are Rob Zombie and all the music is made by sad, beautiful women 23. Force-feed Carlos Santana breast-milk pizza 24. Meet a member of the band Autograph and ask him for his autograph while nudging him with my elbow over and over again

Continue to page three for more New Year's Resolutions.

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