Support Local Journalism. Join Riverfront Times Press Club.

Thursday, January 2, 2014

36 New Year's Resolutions for an Awful Music Journalist

Posted By on Thu, Jan 2, 2014 at 5:40 AM

Page 3 of 3

25. Remind people of the amazing Nickelback parody video seen above more often 26. Stop wishing every member of Def Leppard lost all of their arms whenever "Pour Some Sugar On Me" comes on 27. Stop thinking of people who walk into coffee shops holding acoustic guitars in the same way as a right-wing Christian thinks of an Arab man boarding an airplane 28. Convince more people that I believe The Perks of Being a Wallflower is a book about getting free socks and lunchmeat trays from being in the Wallflowers 29. Get facial tattoos to resemble Dave Navarro's facial hair

My girlfriend would like that one too. Probably. - PRESS PHOTO
  • Press Photo
  • My girlfriend would like that one too. Probably.

30. Petition companies to stop testing on animals and start testing on Dave Navarro 31. Become a bartender and mistake the term "hair of the dog" with "Temple of the Dog" over and over again 32. Petition Black Sabbath to redo an entire record with Gilbert Gottfried on vocals 33. Quit calling her Carly Rae Jetson just to piss off my friend's little sister 34. Figure out what the best Unblack Metal bands are 35. Carry a boombox that only plays Killed By Death by Motorhead 36. Write more lists, forever

RFT MUSIC'S GREATEST HITS

The 15 Most Ridiculous Band Promo Photos Ever "Where Did My Dick Go?" The Gathering of the Juggalos' Best Overheard Quotations I Pissed Off Megadeth This Week, My (Former) Favorite Band The Top Ten Ways to Piss Off Your Bartender at a Music Venue


Tags: ,

Support Local Journalism.
Join the Riverfront Times Press Club

Local journalism is information. Information is power. And we believe everyone deserves access to accurate independent coverage of their community and state. Our readers helped us continue this coverage in 2020, and we are so grateful for the support.

Help us keep this coverage going in 2021. Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing membership pledge, your support goes to local-based reporting from our small but mighty team.

Join the Riverfront Times Club for as little as $5 a month.

Read the Digital Print Issue

July 28, 2021

View more issues

Newsletters

Never miss a beat

Sign Up Now

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.

Best Things to Do In St. Louis

© 2021 Riverfront Times

Website powered by Foundation