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Monday, July 28, 2014

Overheard at the Gathering of the Juggalos 2014: The Best Quotations

Posted By on Mon, Jul 28, 2014 at 10:47 AM

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  • Nate "Igor" Smith

"I want you to romantically spew milk into her mouth."

- Uttered by world's most eligible bachelor, Mike Busey.

"Freedom of the press means I can do whatever I want. Also never pay for anything. Don't tread on me, motherfucker!"

- A member of the press who'd clearly had far too much to drink.

See also: The Twenty Best-Dressed Juggalos at the Gathering

"My dick is horrible. My dick looks like a vagina."

- A man pleading innocent in a very strange Juggalo Night Court case.

  • Nate "Igor" Smith

"Who hit her so hard her titties popped out?"

- Night Court's honorable Judge High Bone.

"Is this your beer? Can I drink it?"


  • Drew Ailes

"I'm gonna try and fuck her in the butt tonight!"

- A newlywed, just married at the Gathering of the Juggalos.

See also: A Wedding at the Gathering of the Juggalos

"Check out this sexy-ass midget. She ain't got no Down Syndrome or nothing!"

- Mike Busey, frosted-tipped, despicable idiot.

  • Nate "Igor" Smith

"Why can everyone breathe fire except for me?"

- A dejected and disheartened bald man.

"You've never been kissed? Well here's your first kiss -- from a ninja!"

- A juggalo who overheard another man telling a story and ran up and kissed him.

Juggalo: "Lemme see your tits!"

Topless Juggalette, confused: "Uh, I mean, you can see them!"

Juggalo, after some thought: "Lemme see your butthole!"

"I will fight a motherfucker if I gotta shave my hair." - Long-haired metalhead nervously spinning the Wheel.

Juggalo 1: "Wayne Campbell?!" Juggalo 2: "Beef Stew?!"

- Two juggalos upon first seeing each other, followed by a spirited embrace.

"Watch ABK, get your wallet stolen!"

- Shouted through a megaphone, enticingly.


- Man running at a full sprint toward a stage full of activity.

  • Nate "Igor" Smith

"You better be nervous; you're hugging the king of darkness."

- Tech N9ne

"That notebook is gonna be worth a lot of money someday."

- Vice magazine

"You were zoned out and missed those big-ass titties too? You're lying."

- Incredulous girl to boyfriend.

"Dude, if you blow me, I will give you one Valium."

- Juggalo businessman tired of messing around.

"PCP will make you a woman!"

-Juggalo confused about gender identity.

"I took two hits, and when I came back, I was wearing my buck cape and spinning around, and my boss was yelling at me."

- Recently unemployed juggalo.

"I'm trying to grow this rat tail, but I just don't give a fuck."

- A large man with no shirt and a farmer's tan.

  • Nate "Igor" Smith

"I gotta warm up 'cause I'm a little bitch nigga on the inside."

- Hopsin before stage-diving into the crowd.

"'Whoop whoop? Dizzy, that don't make everything better after a serious accident. You gonna show up to the hospital and go, 'Whoop whoop?'"

- Hopsin, after an associate ran over somebody on the stage with a golf cart.

"This is like the first shower these juggalos have had in a year."

- Onlooker working at a vending tent when it started pouring rain.

"It's the last night of the Gathering, man."

- Weeping dreadlock boy who approached us for a hug, not excited to return to his normal life. We don't blame him.

More photos: Milk Showers and Gilbert Gottfried: Day 3 at the Gathering of the Juggalos Wild Scenes at the Gathering of the Juggalos 2014 The 2014 Gathering of the Juggalos Opens Up in Ohio (NSFW) The Lovely Juggalettes of the 2013 Gathering (NSFW)

Follow the authors, Daniel Hill and Drew Ailes, on Twitter at @fatrobocop and @CountBakula, respectively.

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