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Thursday, October 9, 2014

Six Reasons Why Bands Break Up

Posted By on Thu, Oct 9, 2014 at 10:02 AM

  • All illustrations by Curtis Tinsley.

While Aerosmith still flails around in a body without bones, propped up by the hot air of its backward-cap-wearing fanbase, most sensible bands know when to call it quits. Sure, reunion tours are still a thing, but those tend to happen on the stinking fumes of nostalgia, and they serve to fuel the now-meager drug habits that were once respectable addictions.

Everyone calls it quits at some point. Being in a band is hard work -- coordinating schedules, dealing with flakes and actually hammering out a tolerable song or two is a damn near miracle for some. But those who break through are still destined to quit at some point, and here's why.

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6. The Band Is Just "Too Good For This Shit"

So you've had a few practices now and on your debut show, the bass player flubs up his funky solo. The aftermath involves a drummer tossing his sparkling Gretsch kit down a flight of stairs because he can't believe this shit. "Some of us are real musicians," he says.

And its true. This particular set of songs would have shot into the crowd's collective brain and triggered instant orgasms, but the four-or-so sour notes that the average showgoer definitely noticed just ruined the whole thing. Some bands can't bounce back from a show that wasn't a 100 percent perfect performance of their precious masterpiece rock ballads that are totally original and have never been heard before.

And the few friends who sat in on the last rehearsal will forever say: "They were too good for this world."


5. Creative Differences

"Creative differences" are often cited as the leading cause of band breakups. At first, divergent tastes seem like a good idea. Blending genres leads to new, revolutionary forms of music, right? At some point, ideas clash and either a compromise happens or it doesn't.

Those steadfast artists who stay true to their vision can be a little overbearing, driving away their chilled-out bandmates -- or maybe they just get tired of the whole "wearing those stupid sunglasses to band practice" thing.


4. Someone "Goes Solo"

Of course, this usually involves the aforementioned "creative differences." At some point, one of the band members, usually the least talented, becomes too aware of his unbridled genius and decides collaboration is for the birds. Without former bandmates around to dry up the wettest part of this sonic garbage, the solo artist is finally free to deliver divine rites unto the masses.

In some rare cases, the solo artist will actually squeeze out passable songs, but this serves only to feed an unabated arrogance, which typically leads to tyrannical treatment of his family, friends and fanbase (see also: Morrissey).

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