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Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Six Reasons I Won't Like Your Band On Facebook

Posted By on Tue, Oct 21, 2014 at 10:09 AM

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3. It Makes Me Look Dumb

We're all a little vain deep down inside. The fact that you actually have a Facebook, which serves little function aside from broadcasting to the world who you are and how you feel, think, eat, etc., is proof that you've enjoyed a mirror at least once in your life. Asking me to like your band is essentially the same as asking me to wear a patch of your face on my jacket. It's an endorsement -- something that declares to the world that I support you. That's quite a commitment.

I tear the tags off my Levis because they aren't paying me to wear them, so I'm definitely not going to plaster your likely terrible music across something that represents me as a courtesy to you. Besides, what if someone in your band pulls a Lostprophets Dude and tries to have sex with a baby? I can't take that risk -- too much is at stake.


2. It Makes You Look Dumb

There is something inherently unattractive about watching people try. By taking the time to ask me to gaze into your perfect art project, I'm instinctually disinterested. Granted, a huge part of life has to do with one's ability to self-promote, and there is no graceful way to say, "Hey, join others in worshiping me by signing up for my fan club." However, it is incredibly fun to ignore the fuck out of people who are begging for your attention.


1. I Don't Care

I use Facebook to tell jokes, to try to get people to like me more, or to distribute articles that I write. It is a selfish, shitty network -- just like Myspace, just like Friendster, just like Makeoutclub. Occasionally it does something good, but 99 percent of it is self-congratulatory garbage. Blah blah blah, everything sucks; nothing matters. If you want a favor, ask me to go to your show or ask me to tell you where to get your shirts printed so you won't get ripped off. Ask me for a beer. Ask me for a contact to book a good basement show in Buffalo, New York. But please, don't ask me to like your band on Facebook.

Follow Drew Ailes on Twitter @CountBakula.


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