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Monday, October 27, 2014

The Worst Songs From Pornhub's Inexplicable Song Search Contest

Posted By on Mon, Oct 27, 2014 at 4:30 AM

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"It's Only Natural" By Eskille Let's get one thing straight: Masturbation is natural, pornography is not. Unless you think Penthouse just grows on trees and our ancient ancestors were plucking glossy magazines from the banana bushes. In reality, back when humans were hunter-gatherer groups, there were two types of adults: those that fucked without abandon and spawned generations of children and those that were forced to sit in the shadows of the caves and watch the others. Guess which one got to pass down their genes and which ones are just sad sacks of self-pity?

"WET (The Anthem)" By D. Lo This one had 30 upvotes and 15 downvotes, so it's probably one of the better ones. It's still godawful. Every chanting of "PORNHUB DOT COM" sounds like a bad attempt at subliminal messaging, but when you hear "it makes your dick big" you know this is just one step away from being a Viagra spam email.

"Pornhub Music" - By SKG Feat. Austin the White Rapper Wow. That thumbnail. Just fucking die.

In the interest of objectivity, I might have missed a song that was actually worth listening to, but I had to stop after a while and bleach my ears. Feel free to leave tracks in the comments.

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