Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Minneapolis' Miami Dolphins Is Not a Football Team From Florida

Posted By on Wed, Nov 12, 2014 at 4:39 AM

Don't worry; they're OK. Dolphins can breathe underwater. - JOE SCOTT
  • Joe Scott
  • Don't worry; they're OK. Dolphins can breathe underwater.

Aside from the fact that it is decidedly not a sports team (but also, still totally a sports team), not much is known about the whimsical Minneapolis band Miami Dolphins. Having carved a quirky cacophony into the foreheads of freak deviants and gleeful art-school nerds alike, the band seems to garner a wide array of bizarre comparisons from every direction. Terms like "angular avant-punk" and "spazz-rock" drunkenly dance around reviews while other confused music aficionados liken the group to the Minutemen, Wire, Dog Faced Hermans, Fantomas, Le Tigre or a kindergarten class on a sugar high.

Because describing music is often ultimately pointless, we turn to Miami Dolphins guitarist Patrick Larkin to dazzle and tantalize readers in advance of his group's upcoming show at Kismet Creative Center on Wednesday, November 19, with an interview that is the written equivalent of listening to a live Butthole Surfers record.

Drew Ailes: Why haven't you been sued for your band name yet?

Patrick Larkin: Because we all come from wealthy backgrounds. [Vocalist] Beth's godfather works for Halliburton, Joe Biden is [drummer] Joe's grandpa, I'm related to Mark Zuckerberg and [bassist] Ronnie's father ghost-funded the Die Hard trilogy. Actually, the truth is, the big-time execs with the attorneys and the pocketbooks know there's nothing in it for them. They can't suck us dry for hardly anything!

There are other bands now called the New England Patriots and the Utah Jazz. Do you kids take credit for this ridiculous movement?

Those are sports teams, you idiot.

How do you describe your music? It's quirky, spastic and what other word?

Our marketing team has encouraged us to use terms such as "surf and turf," "noise-pop," "indie" and "cheer and jeer." However, we've lately been tending toward more marketable phrases such as "explosive power-pop rock & roll" and "handsome people playing palatable, inoffensive music" and "cheap beer party rock cigarette cool." It's too bad that sometimes we get billed as "female-fronted," as if that is a schtick or a novelty. How about "dude-backed"? Or "100 percent of this band has anuses"?

I haven't listened to Deerhoof in years, but I feel like you guys sound like Deerhoof. Do you guys sound like Deerhoof?

Isn't that the jazz band who wears Beatles outfits? People always want to compare us to Ponytail and Melt-Banana. Which is cool. But then again, why don't they go the extra step and say Teenage Jesus and the Jerks, Priests, Marnie Stern, the Dixie Chicks, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and the Raincoats, since they are all also alt-rock bands with female singers? To be honest, we are just trying to sound like a mix of Weezer, the Baja Men and Panic! at the Disco. Turns out we're missing the mark.

Has anyone ever accused your band of being boring? To clarify, I ask because I feel like what Miami Dolphins is doing is very captivating.

Being victims of the millennial age, we have short attention spans, which help us cater our music to the short attention spans of the iPhone generation and avoid the damning label of "boring." If you like "info-snacking," we are the band for you.

Continue to page two for more.

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