Monday, January 5, 2015

Awful Music Trends That Should Be Left In 2014

Posted By on Mon, Jan 5, 2015 at 6:38 AM

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Photo courtesy of Big Machine Records
Will we hear even a little less about Taylor in 2015? One can only hope...
Despite what the editors of Rolling Stone want you to believe, 2014 was not, in fact, "another great year for music." In all honesty, it was one of the worst on record for new creations that innovated or inspired. Sure, there were some highlights: Jack White, FKA Twigs, Schoolboy Q, St Vincent. But overall, the year was somewhat of a bust.

The good news is that there is no need to abandon hope for popular music. All that needs to happen is that these dreadful pieces of 2014 need to stay on that side of the calendar. Here's to 2015!

24/7/365 Taylor Swift Coverage Unless one dons earplugs and a blindfold, it was nearly impossible to avoid daily "news" coverage of Taylor Swift in 2014. This is not an exaggeration: The red-lipped hitmaker seemed to pop up in every possible source of information that one could use.

What is so troubling about this? Most Americans cannot tell you anything about ISIS, locate Liberia on a map or let you know how this year's elections will affect the Senate in 2015. However, they can tell you which songs on 1989 are probably about Harry Styles, why T-Swift loves NYC and how her haircut sparked the great "Bob" movement of 2014.

Taylor Swift can craft a pop song, that is for certain. But do we really need to hear about her every single day? Taylor Swift is not the president. She is not curing cancer. She's a singer-songwriter. Hopefully 2015 cuts down the asinine amount of coverage.

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Photo courtesy of Epic Records
Warning: Do not listen to "All About That Bass" while operating heavy machinery.
Meghan Trainor's Horribly Affected Baby Voice It's a scientific fact that "All About That Bass" causes nausea, headaches and dizziness, and the root cause is Trainor's employment of overly-affected word-shaping throughout. Particularly, when the word "bass" is sung (which must be at least 100 times), the singer actually says "mmmbbbyyaaaasssss." It's like aural Ipecac. For a song supposedly celebrating how much men love a curvaceous female physique, this adult/baby hybrid thing is a real boner-killer.

Every EDM Song Suddenly Has Vocals For the record, there is an overabundance of amazing EDM songs that have vocals. Last year alone, Disclosure gave emo-crooner Sam Smith quite the boost with the fantastic "Latch," Cash Cash became a headliner with "Take Me Home," and Calvin Harris delighted us again with Top 40 radio that was actually listenable. That being said, not everyone who makes EDM is as good as blending vocals into beats as he is.

Suddenly it seems that every EDM act thinks vocals are mandatory in order to be a success. Even worse, several styles are often worsened by the presence of a full-on melodic track overlay -- drum and bass and jungle, just to name a couple. Hopefully 2015 lightens the pressure on EDM acts to be more like Zedd and less like themselves.

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Nicki Minaj's Attitude Problem and Boring Persona Seriously, when isn't Nicki Minaj bitching about something or someone? She plasters on her fake smile, blinks a lot, shows her ass, makes mediocre-to-bad music, and then bitches about things. Boring! Anyone else out there interested in actually entertaining? Please take this woman's place.

It must be addressed that some fans love the Pink lady because they think she is "outspoken," and defend her by saying that in a patriarchal society, outspoken women are automatically labeled as "bitches." This is a strong feminist theory that is often very true, but it does not negate the fact that some people really do bitch too much. Nicki Minaj is hella negative, yo. And it's borrrrring.

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Photo by Jack Gorman
Yawn.
Iggy Azalea, Period Here's a fun thing to think about: The best part of EVERY Iggy Azalea song that was released in 2014 was the part starring her featured guest. The best part of "Fancy"? Charli XCX. The best part of "Black Widow"? Rita Ora. Fun fact: Switch the word "best" to "worst" and the answer turns into Iggy Azalea.

Story continues on the next page.

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