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Monday, February 2, 2015

OK, Let's Talk About Katy Perry's Halftime Show

Posted By on Mon, Feb 2, 2015 at 9:53 AM

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We're just going to leave this here as food for thought.


Do you remember a cartoon from the '70s that featured a shark who talked like Curly from The Three Stooges and played in a band with a bunch of humans? Perry's Super Bowl performance of "Teenage Dream" was pretty much exactly that. This is the kind of legacy an animation career on LSD gets you, folks.


Other people -- mainly the younger viewers, bless their hearts -- thought this particular dance sequence looked more like a scene from 22 Jump Street. But really, don't all of Perry's shows look like this? We're not sure why the beach balls had sad eyes, though. Were they disappointed that they didn't get to see Perry's boobs?

Womp womp.

See also: - Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl": Local Performer Makes it Gayer - Katy Perry's "Roar": Why This Song Sucks


Safety first! Maybe Perry has thrown a Wii remote through her TV while playing Wii Sports, so that's why she smartly added a strap to the microphone she used during "Firework." It's obvious she has plenty of Nintendo experience, because...

KIRBY! As Perry floated about the stadium with a star's help, we couldn't help but think of the pink, puffy-cheeked Nintendo character that literally inhales his enemies. Katy totally was riding around on a Warp Star here, folks.


As we watched Perry fly under her shooting star during the big finale, we felt empowered. Inspired. Determined. And we kept hearing this damn xylophone chiming in our brain. WHAT ON EARTH? Oh, right, it's because Perry totally was copying "The More You Know," celebrity-driven public service announcements that were mega-popular on NBC in the '90s but have been pretty lame lately. Still, it kind of worked.

Because of this spectacle, would we put an end to bullying? Stand up to people who were trying to cheat on their pre-calc exams? End world hunger? Probably not. But for a few glorious moments, Katy Perry sure made us want to try.

See official photos from Perry's Super Bowl XLIX performance at


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