10 Possible Sources of Illegal Drugs Found in Adrienne Martin

Feb 11, 2011 at 1:44 pm
Prosecutors don't know, and August Busch IV isn't saying. Here then is Daily RFT's list of ten likely sources of the lethal amounts of cocaine and oxycodone (now known as a "Huntleigh Highball") found in Adrienne Martin's blood.

And we're not talking about caffeine...
And we're not talking about caffeine...
1. Gakkers, the God of Cocaine, visited Martin in a shower of blow and made love to her while Augie slept.

2. She thought she was snorting harmless bath salts.

3. Keith Hernandez dropped by to say hello; kilo fell out of his back pocket.*

4. Cocaine and oxycodone were original ingredients in Anheuser-Busch's failed alcoholic energy drink, B to the E.

5. Ultra-rich people naturally secrete cocaine from their pores when the market passes 10,000.

6. Washington Avenue did it. All coke comes from Washington Avenue.

7. Rush Limbaugh's old stash.

8. They were engaging in a little bedroom roleplaying. Auggie was playing Red Auerbach. Adrienne was Len Bias being selected first in the NBA draft.

9. An obliging Dr. Feelgood.

10. The online pharmacy PartyLikeBeerBaron.com.

*Incidentally, the Baseball Writers Association of America would like to note that Adrienne Martin is still eligible for Cooperstown, as no steroids were found in her system.