Finally, a St. Louis Team with a Curse, the Palin Curse

Nov 11, 2008 at 10:35 am

Something very exciting may be happening in the St. Louis sporting landscape.

No, the talk of trading for Matt Holliday didn't qualify, even when it was a possibility. No, the Rams aren't planning on changing sports in order to hopefully improve their record. (Personally, I think they might make an excellent girl's field hockey team.) No, it isn't even the possibility that Rick Majerus may soon become massive enough that light will be unable to escape his presence.

Ladies and gentlemen, St. Louis may just have itself a real, live curse on our hands.

See, the St. Louis Blues started out the season really, really well. They were an absolute scoring machine through their first five games, going 4-1 and averaging four and a half goals a game. Even in this current age of high scoring totals, that is tremendous. Manny Legace, the Blues' primary netminder, had been wonderful so far. Only the presence of Chris Mason in the second game of the season presented an obvious blemish on the young hockey season.

All of that changed on the night of the 22nd of October, 2008. That was the day Sarah Palin came to town.

On the night that Mrs. Palin, then the Republican Vice-Presidential candidate, stepped into the Scottrade Center to drop the ceremonial first puck, the Blues' fortunes changed utterly.

The blue carpet that had been rolled out for her, of course, was the first indication that something may have been up. Manny Legace, skating before the game, tripped over the carpet and injured himself. Sadly, that misfortune was only the beginning.

Including the game against the Detroit Red Wings the night of the 22nd, the Blues are 1-7. Wait, that's not quite right. They're 1-6-1. Lousy three-part hockey records.

That's right, folks. In the pre-Palin era, the Blues were 4-1, and looked to have the hockey world at their feet. After Palin (I think it should be abbreviated as AP), the Blues have one win in eight games. Need more proof?

Fact: In the eight games in the AP era, the Blues have scored 19 goals. That's less than two and a half goals per game. That's not going to win too very many games.

Fact: The Blues have been shut out twice in those eight games. Fact: Before Palin, the Blues allowed an average of three goals against per game. AP, the Blues have allowed 4.25 per game.

Fact: If you find a Photograph of the old St. Louis Arena being demolished and use image enhancement techniques on it, the image of a laughing, bespectacled woman's face can be seen in the cloud of dust arising from the rubble.

I don't think there's any doubt about it. The Blues are cursed.

Do you guys realize how exciting this is? As far as I know, we've never had a cursed sports team here in town. Our baseball teams have all been okay. Our football teams both suck for the most part, but no curse. (Unless you count stupid team management, of course.)

The Blues now have an identity! Before, they were just the St. Louis Blues. Made the playoffs a bunch of years in a row. Nice folks, Blues fans. Didn't they have Wayne Gretzky for like a week? Yawn.

Now, though, this franchise is on the map! They have a vengeful ghost, that of a defeated, MILF-y politician. Awesome!

Cursed franchises have instant cache. The Red Sox were famous for it, the "Curse of the Bambino." The Cubs are still trying to get that guy's goat to leave them the fuck alone. Face it, everybody. Sports curses are flat out good stuff.

I'm thinking we call it the Curse of the Cougar. What do you think?

I'm also of the belief that the only way to break this curse is to get a whole bunch of hot soccer-and-hockey moms to sacrifice themselves for the sake of the team. (By the way, you do know what I mean by "sacrifice," don't you? Good, glad we're on the same page.) They could sacrifice themselves to the team, of course, but I'm not sure if that's the right approach. Perhaps the proper person to make this offering too might just be the person who first identified the problem, you know? Maybe, for instance, say a local sportswriter who put all the pieces together?

I'm waiting, ladies. Let's get this team back on the winning track. (Also, if any Blues players are reading this, it would be totally cool of you guys if you could just go in the tank for a couple of weeks.)

It's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it.

- Aaron Schafer