Hapless Deer Attempts St. Louis Bank Heist, Fails Miserably

click to enlarge The would-be bank robber appeared to have no plan whatsoever once she broke inside. - VIA KMOV'S REPORT
The would-be bank robber appeared to have no plan whatsoever once she broke inside.

A would-be thief who also happens to be a deer was left empty-hooved this morning after brazenly smashing its way into a bank in downtown St. Louis without a clear heist plan.

KMOV reports that the attempted smash-and-grab took place at the UMB Bank located at Broadway and Market around 5:30 a.m. Thursday. In surveillance footage shared with the station, an unidentified doe can be seen barreling headfirst through a window into the bank's interior in a bold display of broad-daylight criminality.

But from there, it would appear that the furry four-legged felon has no plan of action. Upon entry, she begins running haplessly around the bank's lobby, her hooves sliding all over the floors as she struggles to get traction. She appears unprepared for the task at hand, with no bag in which to carry cash and no weaponry. She isn't even wearing a ski mask to conceal her identity.

After getting her bearings, the doe focuses her attention on an interior wall off-camera — presumably attempting to bust into the bank's vault. But again she is ill-equipped, with no safe cracking tools or explosives, or even keys. After several fruitless attempts to simply ram her way in, the doe spots an onlooker peering through the broken window and beats a hasty retreat off-camera, whereupon the video ends.

According to a representative from the St. Louis Metropolitan Police Department, officials received a 911 call about the incident just before 5:45 a.m. Police then contacted Wildlife Rescue, who are better-equipped to handle shoddy bank heists poorly executed by woodland creatures. But when those officials arrived on the scene, the doe was in the wind, indicating that she was at least smart enough to have a getaway driver waiting outside.

At present the deer is still at large.

Daniel Hill

Daniel Hill is editor at large for the Riverfront Times and he demands to be taken seriously, despite all evidence to the contrary. Follow him on Twitter at @rftmusic.
Scroll to read more St. Louis Metro News articles

Join Riverfront Times Newsletters

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.