Missouri's Rejected License Plate Names Show We Are Pure Trash

click to enlarge This one made the cut. Maybe they're not talking about bra size, but Dungeons & Dragons? - JAIME LEES
This one made the cut. Maybe they're not talking about bra size, but Dungeons & Dragons?

The Missouri Department of Revenue doesn’t want us to have any fun. Not only do they demand that we pay taxes, like, constantly, but they also won’t let us put whatever we want on our personalized license plates.

On their website, they’re very clear about their no-fun rules that squash self-expression:

No personalized license plates shall be issued containing any letters, numbers, or combination of letters and numbers which are obscene, profane, patently offensive or contemptuous of a racial or ethnic group, offensive to good taste or decency, or would present an unreasonable danger to the health or safety of the applicant, or other users of streets and highways, or of the public in any location where the vehicle with such a license plate may be found.
Booo! They go on to to add, "Any license plates that are inadvertently issued may be recalled." So even if you get away with BL0WM3, it probably won’t be for long. Why won’t they just let us be proud trash?

A list posted today by the St. Louis Post Dispatch showed the 430 personalized license plates that were rejected between between January 1, 2017 and May 9, 2018. And we gotta say, we’re pretty proud of you, Missouri.

The list begins with 000FUX and just gets better from there. And by better, we mean we're amazed by our fellow citizens' creativity — and bummed out that state censors are holding us back. Would it really be so offensive if somebody had 1DGAF or 0HCRP on their plates? Better change our slogan from the "Show Me State" to the "Nanny State," right?

1B1TCH, 31TCHN, H0TH0E and KRAUT, too, seem relatively harmless. So do body parts like B000BS, C00CHY and SCR0DM and various forms of ass, including ASSVAN, DEDASS and EATA55. (Why do you hate ass so much, Massouri?)

And while you’d have to be stupid to want to put DRUNK, BLAZE1 or 420LUV on your personalized plates (you think the cops can't read that shit?), stupidity has yet to be outlawed... except maybe by the Department of Revenue.

It would be nice if we let drivers have MRBALZ and W0KEAF, so we knew to stay away from people who drive those cars. And as for RATCUM or RAWDOG. Really? No RAWDOG, Department or Revenue? Y'all don't know how to party.

Finally, we just can’t believe that the state wants to keep us from the joy of spotting 1P00PD or FARTS bolted to a fellow Missourian’s vehicle. Where’s the love, tax collectors?

Let's face it: They may be trying to hold the line of decency and good manners. But the state bureaucrats needn't worry. No matter what we license plate we're sporting, we'll still never be as terrible or rude as the average Illinois driver.

click to enlarge Smoklahoma doesn't care about a little 420. Calm down, Missouri. - JAIME LEES
Smoklahoma doesn't care about a little 420. Calm down, Missouri.

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About The Author

Jaime Lees

Jaime Lees is the digital content editor for the Riverfront Times.
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