Foreplay is a little like cooking lasagna: Not everybody knows how to do it, so sometimes you need a book with directions to help you out. Luckily for you, a local author wrote one to show you how.
In 14 Days of Foreplay, O'Fallon-based author and relationship therapist Monica Lieser, along with co-author Tianna Rooney, give couples a step-by-step guide spanning two weeks that is aimed at improving their foreplay game.
"It's a practical and engaging book that makes people feel like they're in charge and acts like scaffolding or framework for them to invest in their relationship," Lieser tells Daily RFT.
Foreplay can be challenging. Many people have a difficult time being emotionally and physically vulnerable to another person, Lieser says. Other foreplay challenges include trusting another well enough to fumble through trying new things and setting aside inhibitions. And many times, people simply lack the language to tell the other person what they like or fear saying what they don't.
But Lieser and Rooney's book gives instructions for each day that are designed to encourage couples to increase their emotional and physical intimacy through what she calls "gestures of intentions," which are overt behaviors that tells the other person you care about them and want to increase intimacy. This helps people get over inhibitions, explore what they like and how to express it.
From using food and sex toys to watching movies and witnessing other couples engage in PDA, the foreplay steps are designed to better a couple's ability to express what they want. But the steps must be followed as written for the fourteen days: Lieser explains that through her work as a couples therapist, these steps are effective and have worked for others.
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"They're arranged in order and should be completed in order so that it sets the couple up for success," she says.
Once you finish the two-week process, however, you can do what you want.
"The book isn't just a one-shot deal -- it's definitely a book you can pick up multiple times and, after steps one through fourteen, they can return to the book and repeat the ones they like," says Lieser.
And from Lieser's experience, being able to tell each other what one likes is key to a happy relationship.
"One of the things we know is that couples report a higher level of satisfaction in their relationship if they feel there's open communication about their sexual relationship," says Lieser. "Their satisfaction is not dependent on the frequency of sex, but the perception of the open conversation."
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