Political Fringe: The Marginal Parties at the Veep Debate

Oct 3, 2008 at 12:38 am

Name: Audrey Morrow Party: Black republican

You are a black republican – wait, you’re holding an Obama sign. Explain, please. I'm affiliated with the Democrats. It's republican with a little 'r,' for the republic. It's not about being partisan. It's about issues, honestly. I'm not so far against McCain, but if he dies, Sarah Palin would be president and she would not make a good president at all. If anything happens to Obama, God forbid -- and there are threats against him now -- he has Joe Biden. Sarah Palin is stupid.

I'm a member of the republic. One hundred years ago, I never would have had this opportunity [to vote]. People died so I could have this opportunity. I have to exercise my rights and responsibilities.

Name: Kellen Hoxworth Party: Whig

I'm a Whig because they're for tariff reduction. I'm a single-issue voter.

Did you know Jon Stewart has gone on record as being a Whig? If Jon Stewart were a candidate, I would vote for him on the basis of his being a Whig. But they don’t have a candidate this year.

They kind of died when Lincoln abandoned them, right? I'm anti-Lincoln. Not Abraham Lincoln, I'm anti the car company. I'm pro-tariff reduction. It's the only way to raise exports above imports.

Name: Jay Jackoway Party: My Chair is Still Broken

You have to consider all the issues before you vote. It's hard kneeling at a tall desk, or standing. People have been mocking me, but we’ve all got issues.

How long has your chair been broken? Two weeks.

Have you complained to your RA? They act like they care, but no one has stepped up to help.

Name: T. J. Morgan Party: This is an Owl

This isn't personal. This is a world issue. I'm sick of all the animosity surrounding the situation, all the parties and people fighting. They need to be set straight. Some people look up and see and owl and say it's a squirrel. It drives me insane. They debate about it, when it’s clearly an owl.

Name: Ethan Stern Party: A Toyota's A Toyota

It’s a palindrome. It's the same backwards and forwards. It's similar to this election. We have a forward-thinking candidate in Barack Obama and a backward-thinking candidate in John McCain, and Sarah Palin. They want to get rid of teaching evolution in schools, or at least go back to teaching intelligent design. Toyota makes a hybrid car. It helps us rely less on foreign oil.

What about "Drill, baby, drill?" I don’t support drilling in Alaska. Or clubbing baby seals.

Name: Evan Kuhn Party: Fish ‘N Chips, Gov'na!

It's British slang. The gov'na in question is, of course, Sarah Palin. I want her to bring more substantial issues to the table rather than what she’s been bringing. I want her to deliver the fish and chips.

What kind of fish? Um, economy chips. Ethan Stern: Most fish and chips are made of cod. Adam Cohen: Salmon! It’s an Alaskan product. Evan: The Alaskan economy relies on fishing, soil, oil. This is an economics-based poster. Fish and chips. The nation wants to hear what she has to say.

Are you an econ major? No, Humanities. Econ doesn't leave much room for creativity.

Name: Alex Gacini Party: Mo' Monkeys, Mo' Problems

It's a universal truth in life, the more monkeys you have, the more problems. Monkeys are mischievous. They steal things. They throw excrement. I've discovered a lot about monkeys in my life.

Really? I’m an anthropology major. I worked in a zoo. I'm very knowledgeable about monkeys. John McCain and Sarah Palin and/or Barack Obama and Joe Biden can learn from my mistakes.

Like what? Well, spider monkeys have long tails. They can grab a raisin from across the room. Gorillas throw hay.

What’s your favorite monkey? Hmmmm.

Adam Cohen: Bonobo! Alex: Spider monkeys, I think. Adam: Dude, that’s boring.

Name: Mike Lefemine Party: Boston Red Sox Go Red Sox!

-Aimee Levitt