Rippling Beefcake Mark McCloskey Busts Out the Big Guns For His Birthday

Say what you want about his many failures, but you gotta admit he's a fine piece of meat

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There are lots of good reasons to make fun of failed Senate candidate and disgraced lawyer Mark McCloskey.

The gigantic margin by which he lost in his bid to become an elected official comes to mind. The fact that the mere sight of a group of people walking past his house made him piss his pants in public is another good one. That he styled himself politically as a "from my cold dead hands" gun-rights absolutist and then immediately handed his favored firearm over to the government when a judge told him to do so is a timeless classic.
And while we here at the RFT have certainly had our share of fun at McCloskey's expense, even we have to admit the truth: The man is one hot piece of ass.

This incontrovertible fact was decisively proven today when the 66-year-old opted to celebrate his birthday by posting a steamy thirst trap to Twitter. Clad in little more than a pair of sweatpants covered in suspiciously sexy white stains, the rippling beefcake woke up this morning and promptly gifted the world with with a photo of himself looking swole in what would appear to be his infinity-mirror equipped home gym.

"Turned 66 today and started with my regular routine," he teased.

The tantalizing pic raises a few questions:

1. With guns like those, why bother with the AR-15?
McCloskey could have just marched out onto his lawn and ripped his shirt off if he really wanted to show those protesters that he meant business. Though to be fair, that might have drawn a few of them in even closer, allured by those massive pecs.

2. Where was this McCloskey during his senate run?
Instead of thumping the same exhausting culture-war talking points that every right-wing grifter recites ad nauseam these days, McCloskey could have separated himself from the pack by being the Hot Buff Candidate he was clearly born to be. If he'd just turned up shirtless at all his campaign events he might have gotten more than 3 percent of the vote in the primary.
3. Seriously, whats, uh....what's with those white stains on your sweatpants, Mark?
The man is so full of sexiness that it's literally oozing out of him.

McCloskey's social media has mostly gone quiet since his political aspirations went down in flames — he's only posted on Twitter four times before he invited us to the smokeshow today. We previously thought the world was all the better for it, but if this is the new direction he's gonna take things, we'll be there with sweatpants on.

Can't wait for the OnlyFans account!

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About The Author

Daniel Hill

Daniel Hill is editor at large for the Riverfront Times and he demands to be taken seriously, despite all evidence to the contrary. Follow him on Twitter at @rftmusic.
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