Roads Closing in St. Louis Parks, Because We Can't Be Trusted

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Art Hill in Forest Park. - Photo courtesy of Flickr / Matt Ridings
Photo courtesy of Flickr / Matt Ridings
Art Hill in Forest Park.

People are still dumb, so the city is blocking traffic in several of its most popular parks to keep morons from clumping together and spreading a deadly plague.

Mayor Lyda Krewson announced today that some roads in Forest Park and all roads in three other parks will now be closed until at least April 22.

"This past weekend, there were reports of social gatherings in our city parks, despite repeated warnings from medical experts to avoid close contact with others," Krewson said in a news release. "We need to limit vehicles coming into our parks to discourage these gatherings, but also to provide more room for those who wish to safely practice social distancing."

St. Louis now has more than 100 confirmed cases of COVID-19, and more than 1,000 have been reported in Missouri, despite testing that is still maddeningly inadequate.

All roads within O'Fallon, Willmore and Fairground parks will be closed. All roads in Carondelet, except for Loughborough Drive to Grand Drive/Holly Hills, will also be closed.

In Forest Park, Government Drive from Wells Drive to Washington Drive, will be closed. So will Fine Arts Drive from Government Drive to Lagoon Drive and Lagoon Drive from Fine Arts to DeBaliviere Circle.

Tower Grove Park, which is operated by an independent board, has closed roads on the east end of its grounds.

The city had already closed all public playgrounds and roller rinks as well basically anything that requires a court: tennis, basketball, racquetball, handball and pickle ball.

So please, for the love of walking somewhere besides the worn path of living room to kitchen, stop being dumb before somebody decides to close the parks entirely.

We welcome tips and feedback. Email the author at [email protected] or follow on Twitter at @DoyleMurphy.
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