St. Charles Plans to Reopen Next Week Like a Bunch of Dumbasses

Well, it appears that good sense ends at the St. Louis County line. Last night St. Charles County Executive Steve Ehlmann said that his county would follow the "Show Me Strong Recovery" plan and reopen along with the rest of Missouri on May 4.

St. Louis city and county will likely remain on lockdown after that time, but the government jerks just across the river are going to ruin it for everybody. The whole region risks exposure just because some morons are horny to visit a Bass Pro Shop or whatever the hell they do out in the cultural void that is St. Charles. (Aside from being absolutely covered with Seaman, that is.)

We thought that the whole appeal of New Town was to never leave your neighborhood! And we were fine with that! Please, just stay in your neighborhood, New Towners. It’s so great and all, right? Gyms, shops, pools — you never have to leave! Please. Please don’t leave?

In addition to letting it be known that social distancing will still be required, Ehlmann said, “We believe St. Charles County is ready to reduce restrictions and, while continuing to require social distancing, allow individuals to make decisions on whether to frequent a business.”

Apparently, the best way to protect your face is by sticking your head up your own ass. Good luck with that.

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About The Author

Jaime Lees

Jaime Lees is a digital content editor for the Riverfront Times.
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