Stoner Tragedy: Truck Full of Hot Pockets Overturns on Missouri Highway

click to enlarge What kind of God would allow this to happen? - SCREENSHOT VIA TWITTER
What kind of God would allow this to happen?

In an act of stunning waste made worse by the cruel mockery of Missouri Highway Patrol, a truckload full of Hot Pockets — presumably on their way to brighten the day of some lucky stoner — overturned on Interstate 70 in Saline County, about halfway between Columbia and Kansas City.

The scene was, as Elliott Davis would put it, a destruction. The truck and its trailer blocked the right line of the interstate, leaving its precious, delicious cargo piled in broken boxes.

The Missouri Highway Patrol was there to respond. And to tweet.

"No injuries & use caution!" tweeted the account for the Highway Patrol Troop A.

That would have been sufficient on its own. But no. The troopers had to get their own jab in, adding, "Even if you have the munchies you can’t have the hot pockets!!!" It's like they're taunting us.

RIP highway Hot Pockets. You were born to burn someone's mouth with the cheesy deliciousness of your magma-hot innards. You deserved better.

Follow Danny Wicentowski on Twitter at
@D_Towski. E-mail the author at [email protected]
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