Sweet Jesus, Aldi Will Begin Delivering Cheap Alcohol in St. Louis This Week

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Christmas comes early this year for fans of cheap booze and never leaving the house. - DOYLE MURPHY
Christmas comes early this year for fans of cheap booze and never leaving the house.

It's happened to the best of us. There you are, drunk as hell at your home, plowing through the last beer in your twelve-pack, when it hits you: You're going to need further libations, or else you will soon have to face the hellishly sober reality that is life when you are not drunk as hell.

The state frowns on you drunkenly driving your car through several houses on the way to the grocery store to get more, for some reason, so it looks like you're going to have to get creative to keep this buzz going.

Luckily, Aldi has your back. The discount grocery chain announced Thursday that it will partner with InstaCart to begin offering delivery of alcoholic beverages in the St. Louis area, eliminating the need for you to terrorize all the neighbor kids with the harrowing sight of you climbing glassy-eyed behind the wheel.

“Instacart is proud to expand its partnership with ALDI and reach across more ALDI aisles so customers can order wine and beer, in addition to groceries and household essentials, for delivery to their door,” Instacart Vice President of Retail Chris Rogers writes in a press release. “By introducing ALDI alcohol to the Instacart marketplace, we’re making it even easier for customers to get all their favorites from ALDI delivered in as fast as an hour.”

Better still, for a limited time, you can get your booze delivered to your doorstep with no delivery fee. Through December 31, first-time customers can use the code ALDIHOLIDAY19 to get free delivery from the store.

And that booze comes quick, too. According to Aldi Vice President of Corporate Buying Scott Patton, you can be enjoying dirt-cheap alcoholic offering within 60 minutes without even getting off your couch.

“Our award-winning wines range from less than $5 for 90-point rated Evanta Malbec to $12 for premium offerings, such as 92-point rated Peaks & Tides Cabernet Sauvignon," he says in a press release. "You can have a bottle delivered to your doorstep in as fast as an hour.”

That's barely even time enough for your liver to process that last drink, meaning you'll be able to enjoy that amber haze of intoxicated bliss uninterrupted. As it should be.

This turkey season we're thankful for you, Aldi.
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About The Author

Daniel Hill

Daniel Hill is editor at large for the Riverfront Times and he demands to be taken seriously, despite all evidence to the contrary. Follow him on Twitter at @rftmusic.
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