So, here's the thing: Cardinals pitcher Lance Lynn got skinny during the off-season. Like, really skinny.
Well, okay, not like really skinny compared to skinny people, but really skinny compared to Lynn, who, until this year, routinely showed up to spring ball in one of two coatings: Original Recipe or Extra Tasty Crispy.
For Lynn's health and baseball career, the weight loss is probably a good thing. Still, there's something charming about a really out of shape human being who somehow still succeeds in professional athletics. And outside of an offensive line, there's no better place to witness that particular marvel than in baseball where fat men in polyester can strike fear in both the hearts of opposing pitchers and the owners of Chinese buffets.
So to honor those rare individuals who manage to combine hefty size and hefty skill, we set out to create a list of the all-time, scale-tipping greats. And since we're talking about a group of people who deserve extra portions, we had to make it a baker's dozen. Anything else would be inappropriate, no?
Remember, fellas: it's not the uniform that makes you look fat, it's your big, fat, um, talent. Yeah, talent.