How sad is it when Lou Piniella looks to be the sanest, calmest man in the Cubs' dugout these days? The same man who once terrorized umpires from Cincinnati to Seattle is now the rational, respectable, and -- dare I say it? -- jovial face of the Chicago franchise.
Of course, it's easy for Lou to look sane when you match him up with
Making his case to return to prominence as "Craziest Cub Player," Zambrano lost his shit completely Wednesday night. After a wild pitch brought a runner in, Zambrano went after home plate umpire Mark Carlson. Big Z bumped Carlson, got ejected, and things just went downhill from there. Zambrano threw the ball toward the outfield bleachers, nearly getting it there from home plate (maybe he was just trying to prove those rumors of shoulder weakness are unfounded?), tossed his glove, and headed into the dugout, where he proceeded to whale away on the Cubs' brand new Gatorade machine with a baseball bat.
After the outburst, at the postgame Q-and-A, Piniella said he was going to have to talk to Carlos about his temper. Milton Bradley said it was "on a Bradley level." (And points to Bradley for realizing he's a psycho, by the way.) That's right, Milton-Fucking-Bradley, scion of bat-shit insane athletes everywhere, thought this was funny! I'm pretty sure there are twelve-step programs out there that make that one of their warning signs. That's like Scott Spiezio saying, "Dude. You've had waaayyy too many. Let's get you a cab."
Of course, this also happened on the same day that the Cardinals moved back into first place in the National League Central, putting the universe back into balance. So thank you, Carlos. I think we can all sleep easier now, knowing that all is right with the world.