FEATURE, APRIL 10, 2008
A Nice Pick-Me-Up
Sage advice from a pickup artist coach: One of my clients just shared Aimee Levitt's article, "Pickup Artists of North America Central Region," with me today. I was fascinated by the subject matter; Aimee truly made the pickup community come alive through her writing and gave a very honest and objective take on it. However, she only wrote about one part of the pickup community, the part that focuses on theories and techniques to best bed women. There is another side that teaches these young men to become a real, confident man. If a man wants lots of women in his life, he needs to stop chasing them. It's about creating an attractive lifestyle.
Attracting women is about being powerful, masculine, bold and unapologetic in being a man. However, being powerful also means that you aren't afraid of opening up to a woman. You can connect with a woman on a deeper level by learning to truly listen and be present in the moment with her. I have coached men and women on dating for ten years, and I personally find the manipulative techniques pickup artists use despicable.
Let me give you some counters to the examples you have in your article: Dancing with a girl is absolutely OK as long as you do it to have fun. It shows you don't take yourself too seriously and that you are confident enough to just enjoy yourself. You should never try to impress a woman, because she can smell it a mile away. Don't use dancing as a bait to meet her if you are not a dancer. Buying a drink is also fine, as long as it comes from the right place. Buying a drink to buy a girl's time with you is wrong, but when two people are having a good time with one another, it is polite to offer each other drinks. Women aren't attracted to assholes. They are attracted to truly confident and "dominant" men.
David Wygant, Los Angeles, California
Naughty or nice: After reading Aimee Levitt's article I'm shaking my head in disbelief. Washington University student Ikon made the remark, "The traditional nice guy is nice out of desperation, and that kills the attraction. Women are attracted to men who get their emotions going." Well, brother, if that's the case, I sure as hell hope those women and the jerks they admire find each other, because I don't ever want to meet or be with any woman who actually believed that, because you're nice and you treat her that way, that you're actually desperate or needy. I don't believe that the mainstream women of America, at least the better majority of them, really think or believe that. I believe that Ikon, and other guys like him who think that, have just been meeting the wrong kind of women; I don't believe that real women will reject or be turned off by a guy who shows her respect and class. Nevertheless, to the jerks across America and the women who want them, I say, "Go for it! You both deserve each other!"
Kevin E. Glass, St. Louis
