Thursday, May 28: Calendar Pimp Suggests

May 28, 2009 at 4:15 pm

Just another day at the office.
Just another day at the office.
Let's get this straight before you open your mouth: I don't like you, and you don't like me. Or as my second ex-wife used to say around drags on her Menthol, "Honey, I don't like you and you don't like you." She also called me "dumb bastard" and "lazy in the sack." Guilty, guilty and guilty.

But my failings as a person make me a fantastic judge of other people. Well, failed people, at any rate. That's why I ended up in this line of work. It takes a thief to catch a thief, and it takes a self-hating dumb bastard to catch a self-hating dumb bastard who happens to be balling the jewelry off the company whore.

So if you want that other dumb bastard caught, that one you married, I'm your man.