Top Thirteen Skanky Prom Gowns: Definitely Not Mom-Approved (PHOTOS)

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3. Floor Length Jasz Dress 4524

Site description: "Floor length formal dress with side cut-outs and a thigh-high slit in front. $398."

Our take: It's a bikini! It's a dress! It's a bikinidress! We love the rhinestone tramp stamp on the back of the dress, and the sparkles draw the eye to our most important front-facing features. That shade of purple is fit for royalty.

Mom's take: Oh my God, Allison. Again, not prom material. This shouldn't be cut out on the sides, and she needs more material in the back. This looks like lingerie, too. Even on the red carpet, people don't have a lot of skin showing like that, because if they do, they get the thumbs-down on TV and in magazines. They don't wear anything slit clear down to their crack.

Are we allowed to wear it to prom? No.

2. Unique Print High-Low Jasz Dress 4584

Site description: "High low dress with cut out sides and back featuring ruffled skirt. Please note: the placement of the pattern on the dress may be different than picture due to cutting. $398."

Our take: This cotton candy dress is sure to make our prom date hungry. The fluffy pink material has a sweetness we haven't seen in many gowns.

Mom's take: Oh my gosh -- frilly, frilly, frilly! What, almost $400 for that? You've got to be kidding me! She looks like a Popsicle. I would think that these dresses would be heavy with all that stuff on there. That's just a weird dress, though I see white dresses like these for brides on Say Yes to the Dress, or they could wear most of these on Dancing with the Stars. On Dancing with the Stars, they would wear a flesh-color unitard under it, but teenage girls aren't going to do that -- they're going to go get tan.

Are we allowed to wear it to prom? No.

1. Sexy Long Gown by Jasz 4109

Site description: "Be the center of attention at any formal event in this super sexy long gown by Jasz. A colorful shimmering charmeuse long print prom dress with a seductive cut out design embellished with sequins and beads. A daring evening gown for the girl who wants to be noticed. $378."

Our take: We've long admired the dancing colors within an oil spill on the driveway, and now we can wear one. A rhinestone spider elegantly protects the modesty of our midriff, and the pronounced bikini top gives us a chance to put our bra-stuffing skills to the test..

Mom's take: Here's the first problem when I go onto this site: it says "sexy long gown." If you're sixteen, you shouldn't even be looking for a "sexy long gown." When I look at prom dresses, I like to see "sweet." I don't want to see "trashy." [Site finally finishes loading] Ewwww, those colors are yucky; she's like a peacock. She looks like she's been in some magazines, if you know what I mean. I don't like that one at all.

Are we allowed to wear it to prom? No.

Things we've learned about prom from Mom:

  • The Wolverine-slashed-the-sides-of-my-dress look isn't cool.
  • Prom dresses are expensive.
  • Dresses fall into the following categories: sweet, trashy or Dancing with the Stars.
  • Dress models are too old and have possibly "been in magazines, if you know what I mean."
  • Seventeen magazine is where teenagers should shop for dresses.
  • We're not allowed to wear any of these dresses to prom.

Got it. Thanks, Mom!

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