VIDEO: Albert Pujols Given Key to Unlock Every Door in St. Louis, The Onion Reports

St. Louis has gone to desperate measures to keep Albert Pujols playing for the Cardinals, according to The Onion Sports Network.

That's right. At a recent news conference, St. Louis Mayor Frank Worrell (who?) gave the slugger a key to unlock every door in the region (and the right to use and possess everything he finds behind those doors) so long as he returns to the Redbirds.


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